Woke up drugged

Woke up drugged after a miserable day of being drugged to the point of being barely functional.  Whatever the poison is this time, it is hard to keep my eyes open, and makes it difficult to read and comprehend what I read.  It also does the familiar autistic move of making images from the tv cause motion sickness--in short all this shit makes me autistic.  Anyway I dreamed that I was being abused with cleat marks all over my body.  Ive been trying to force myself to accept being more sociable, but it is so hard when I am so goddamned abused with these weird drugs in my body making it impossible for me to even function.  Typical abuser/abusee relationship--they blame me for the dysfunction their abuse cause!  Kind of like the pedophile that blames the kid for being "seductive", they blame me for being dysfunctional socially when it is their repeated abuse--throwing me in jail for falling in love (fuck you assholes, I will love who I love and guess what, you aint included), preventing me from getting and holding a job and interfering with even casual relationships when I do, and making me so goddamned sick all the time with their poisonous Soviet-style psychotropic drugs  that it is a monumental effort to relate to other people.  But as sick as I am I tell myself that I have to force myself to move forward or else I am going to be at the mercy of these parasitical predators and their goddamned poison for the rest of my life.