Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Exhaustion

God help me...I don't know if I will ever feel human ever again.  The mental energy is energy is there, though seriously restricted.  It is the physical body which cannot act as a vehicle for any of my mental energy.  It literally takes all my energy just to type, and all I want to do is lie down and sleep.  Speaking of vehicles, I figured out today that my truck registration is overdue.  The registration is a perfect example of how I am not able to function when I am on these drugs.  I remember a couple of weeks ago, thinking for the first time that I had to move on the registration.  But it totally eluded my consciousn mind, until today, when I looked and realized I was already delinquent.  So I have to take care of that first thing tomorrow.  I don't know how I can take care of anything as doped up as I am.  But life doesn't stop, just because I feel too sick and drained to function. 

I saw a kickball game while I went for a brief walk in the park.  It was a coed teenage game, and I envied them, and their energy as they played.  Before I was forced into risperdone and depakote, I was force fed speed, and possibly other psychotropic drugs which left me feeling like a drained, enervated senior citizen.  That is the way I feel---like a senior who cannot even get up the energy to walk a mile.  God help me.  Please God free me from these people who are doping me against my will, and give me my energy, my life, my vitality, and my joy back to me again....

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