Still recovering

I woke up with a terrible headache and fatigue that plagued me mostly all day.  I'm still not quite myself, though certainly I am better.  I can tell now that it is the excruciating, pulsating pain of the headache that causes the ongoing ill feeling, but it has been more in the background today, instead of overwhelming.  I hope to try to workout tomorrow but I honestly don't know if the head pain will be diminished enough to allow it.  I missed yoga today, but I woke up late and with a bad headache, so it couldn't be helped.  My body has been missing the physical exercise all day long, but it just wasn't a good day to be physically ambitious.  I feel like I am recovering from a serious illness, and all I can do is hope that tomorrow is better because I need to be physical.

I am angry at the people who read my journals and writing, because they read something they were never supposed to read.  I don't remember everything I wrote, and I am not going to talk about what I do remember--not because I am ashamed or embarrassed, but because I don't trust these bastards to know the details of my personal feelings.   I will say that I wrote about a lovely Latina who works at my favorite laundry mat, and whose fine body I cannot help but admire.  When I did my laundry yesterday, I could tell that she was hurt and confused, because they had gotten to her, and probably threatened her with termination or deportation.  I stayed away from her, because I did not want her to get in any more trouble, but nothing was her fault.  She is not even a lesbian.  She has never flirted with me, or been anything but friendly in a business appropriate manner.   Is she to blame that she looks great in a tight pair of jeans (and I notice)?  Is it her fault that I'm forced into an uncongenial, miserable celibacy, and it has been so long since I have been laid, that I am lusting after every attractive woman that crosses my path?  I don't even write about how often I lust after other women, because of exactly what happened.  The NSA/ Opus Dei Taliban will descend on them and threaten them with the most dire consequences.  I am amazed that anyone would be attracted to me, considering all the complications that are involved in relationship with me, but I got to admit that I am glad that they are.  One of these days I am going to be free to be me again, and when I am, my first priority will be a romantic relationship, and past experience has taught me that nothing frees me from indiscriminate lust as much as getting legitimately and regularly laid in a loving, committed relationship.  So, all you beautiful ladies of the world,  I am sorry if I cross the line and look at you with lustful intent.  If it makes you feel better, any woman I lust after also has a beautiful, if sometimes conflicted, soul.  Hopefully the day will come soon when what happened the night before will sate and free me from such hyper-sexually charged feelings.  I can't wait!!!!