Another hellacious night

Another hellacious night--had to take two Vicodin (only 5 mgs each) and a 1/4th of a fifth of whiskey to sleep.  This was at 3:15 am, with terrible headache pain, back spasms, and nerve pain on my left thigh from all the speed.  The worst of it was the memory of all the disempowered, lame Catholics who I encountered yesterday, giving me their saccharine simpered smiles, "oh you are one of us; oh you are a saint; oh you just need to convert to the Church's true teaching, which is so much wiser than you, and everybody will be happy."  Blech Blech Blech.  I do not know what it takes for the Catholic Church, Opus Dei, and all the sadly disempowered, authoritarian-lamed, immature of faith to get the message.  I LEFT THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH YEARS AGO!!  I AM SO HAPPY WITH THAT DECISION. NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, COULD DRAW ME BACK.  And most certainly not, by making my nights and days a living hell with your torturous drugs, lies, and interference in my life.  Last night, I started to write a brief essay on why I choose, I want, I desire, I am looking forward to entering the Episcopal communion, but I was in too much physical pain.  Today I just feel drained, weak, and much too awful to concentrate on anything.  I know I need to get out of here in order to feel better, but I am just dragging....