Bad news to worse news

Bad news to worse news--more psychotropic drugs.  Count, yes count how many different kinds of poison has been put into my system in less than two weeks--I would count, but I am too sick to concentrate.  I think it is a variant of Risperdal or a lesser dosage of Risperdal, because my muscles (including my biceps, which is weird) are all aching and heavy as before.  My back especially is killing me---every muscle aches, and I have no ability to try to exercise it out.  I don't know how I could do yoga now.  Every muscle is just stiffened and hurts to the point I don't even want to turn my head.  I have become autistic again--I can always tell when I am driving.  Mostly though, I am just truly miserable, hating life in my own body and brain, unable to endure this pain-wrecked sense of alienation from reality.  I try to keep myself calm, but the truth is I can not live in this kind of drug induced, psychotic misery.