Good news and bad news

Good news and bad news:  The Risperdal and lithium have stopped--but unfortunately,  now I am on something that makes me higher than a kite.  At least though, I have mobility, which I didn't have on the other drugs.  However, there has been lasting side effects--every muscle in my body feels weak and "dead."  I am able to do yoga, but my body has been devastated.  Every joint in my body--even my elbows and wrists are stiff and inflexble.  Every muscle in my back hurts and is unresponsive.  I can feel a huge curve in my lower spine that wasn't there before and my shoulders are so stiffened they can't even lay on the ground.  I don't know how long it will take me to try to get back to "normal" which is even subpar for me.  I have never gotten back, not even close,  to the physical fitness and lack of pain that I had before my torturers began pushing their drug regimen on me. 

Now they have me on something that depresses and deadens me, cocooning me from the fullness of reality.  I am so tired of this shit--but the only emotions I can feel on this poison is despair and rage.  Yesterday, for a brief period, I was drug-free.  I went for a bike ride, and I couldn't believe.it.  I was in full contact with reality again and the world was glorious, and I felt joyful andtruly human to be a fully participating member of it, noticing  and honoring people, the sky, the mountains, and the infusion of God's grandeur in every single detail.  I got all  excited, saying to myself, "maybe now I can begin a spiritual regimen again; now I can pray again for the first time in two years.  But I woke up this morning, and I knew as soon as I awakened that drugs had once more had stolen my ability to feel, to participate, to concentrate, and therefore to pray.  I am rendered into a deadened zombie once more.  I had wanted to clean house today, since it needs a good cleaning before the cold season starts, but I feel like I am walking through five feet of water.  Everything takes so much energy and initiative, and I just don't have it.  I just want to lay down and try to escape the hateful alienation from reality I feel.

I read where the ACLU is suing Immigration for doping illegal aliens with psychotropic drugs. Amazing.  An illegal alien has more recourse to justice and fullness of life than I do (I have approached the ACLU before).  Even if I could get them to listen to me initially, all it takes is one call from the NSA invoking "national security," and the door will be slammed in my face as it was when I approached the law firm of Rodey and associates.  So I have to endure my torture from the "Ministry of Love" while I force myself to try to function and move.  I am so depressed God.  I am so tired of feeling dead all the time.