Slammed by pain

Slammed by pain from psychotropic drugs again--it isn't speed that sends all of my back muscles, groin muscles and lats into spasmic pain.  I can hardly hold my arms up or turn my head when driving.  This isn't speed--this is an anti-psychotic.  I knew something was very wrong when I couldn't work out at the gym earlier today.  Had NO energy and the legs just wouldn't move.  I tried to pray, first by going to sit in the church, then later on a walk, and finally and yoga.  I couldn't even do a basic contemplative meditation at yoga.  I am so alienated from reality that I couldn't even focus on a mind body connection.  It is just the oppressive and painful blankness.  And it is very painful.  I was crying as I tried to do a basic, simple pose that I could do yesterday.  By back is spasmed into such a curve that it hurt to lay down in corpse pose, even with a blanket under my knees.  And walking, forget it.  I try to go for a walk before yoga to clear my mind so I can more prayerfully participate, but it didn't work.  The longer I walked the worse it got.  Both my legs felt lame and totally numb after a very slow one hour walk.  And even though the rational side of me said, what a beautiful day, my emotions were completely dead, and my spirit was totally alienated.  No prayer today.  But I am more worried about the pain.  My arms can't type anymore.  They hurt too much.  Life sucks big time.  I hate life.  I hate my body.  And most of all, I hate the people who are doing this to me.  Jesus can love them.  I am not capable of love right now.  I am not capable of any emotion except pain, rage, and despair.