PAin and despair

PAin and despair--constant pain from muscle spasms  and rigidity.  I can barely walk.  Holding anything takes concentrated effort because my arm muscles are so weak.  The worst though is the constant back and neck pain I am in.  The only time I can forget it is when I am watching TV in my massage chair.  I try to write but my mind can't think or concentrate.  Everything is such an effort.  I am going to try to get ready for my trip but everything is so hard.  I don't know how I am going to walk thru airport.  Hurts to type--how am I ever going to hold a job again?  How can I survive this momunental pain and unrelenting depression?