I'm very very sick

I'm very, very sick as the lithium soaks into my brain, and causes the same symptoms that it did two years ago--increased autism (which makes it difficult for me to drive and function in reality), inability to think approproately to the situation at hand, and finally the stiffening rigidity of my body.  I noticed last night that my torso and neck has the exact same rigidity that it had two years ago, as I tried to drive with a dying body poisoned by lithium.  Also, as previously, I am having a really difficult time cleaning myself after using the toilet, because there is no flex whatsoever in my torso.  I can't even put on my socks without major effort.  All of this is accompanied by the muscular pain and spasming as before.  So what?  Does the pusher care?  These assholes who are doing this to me, already know how poisonous lithium is to my body.  Unfortunately, they don't care about my body, or anybody elses's for that matter (except those of an unviable fetus).  In a different century, they already would have burned my body to "save my soul."  These people know nothing of the deep soul, or they wouldn't embrace suffering and pain as a means to conversion, which is exactly what Opus Dei does.  Well, I guarantee no conversion on my part when I am so sick, all I can do is lay in bed or watch TV--all my prayers and spiritual effort is focussed on getting on and walking to the bathroom, doing my basic daily living chores, hanging on by my fingernails for physical and psychic survival, and begging God, "please no more permanent damage."  I still haven't accepted the permanent damage these psychiatric torturemasters already inflicted two years ago.  I have to clean my house, do laundry, and go shoppingso I will force myself to move .  Please God, give me the strength and ability to persevere.