March 17

Pain, pain, pain—only thing registering in mind as I deal with psychotronic implants that leave my face grossly swollen and misshapen, my temples, bulging out, and my joints in pain to the touch. My poor back—I try to do some yoga, but the curvature of the back is beyond human endurance. Will take a robaxin but nothing can stop this pain. I know now that this is all RNA/DNA/blood cell changes and that it is not for the good of the human race at all, but only to serve the aliens in charge of it. But I am too sick and in too much pain to write about it. THE HUMAN RACE HAS BEEN COMPLETELY DUPED, and it is people like me who suffer because of it. Oh God, I hate my life. Pain unbearable.

March 18—Agony, unbearable agony. Cant stand too much fluid on pelvic girdlde cant put pressure on wrist too much fluid. I want to scream, kick holes in walls, slice wrists, break every dish. Anything to get me out of this unbearable pain, agony. Will go ato bed where maybe I will have dreams like I had earlier today when pain drovce me to bed, crude cartoonish dreams where things move like amoebas under microsacopes. My life is unbearable. God end this horrible miserable pain,. Don’t want to live like this.

March 19, 2010
The morning after—every bone and muslce in my body is wracked and spasmed. I feel like the cat I saw in a Molecular Biolgy 101 film--tortured to muscle-spasming death by chemicals injected into it in the name of science. I cannot walk—my right leg has been completely wrenched from the pelvic girdle by the spasms and I am in constant pain. I can try to move by dragging my right leg in a club foot motion, but the moment I turn my foot forward or put even the slightest independent pressure on the leg, I am bowled over by excruciating pain that nearly knocks me to the ground. My left hand is nearly uselfess as well—the excessive fluid on the wrist neerves mean that I am never sure when movement will cause excruciating pain. It hurts to breathe—every muscle in my back is spasmed, so I am only able to breathe shallowly through my mouth.
Who do I have to thank for this? The Sirians, together in alliance with the Agarthans, are close to enslaving the human race in a virtual reality prison in which their poor, tortured subjects live in virtual reality pods, their bio-electrical systems feeding the one slaver race with energy, while the other taps into our hormones for nourishment. And the human being lives trapped, titillated, and literally milked by virtual reality holography into releasing the hormones(especially adrenaline, on which the aliens thrive), and bio-electricity, completely unaware of their birthright as free children of God the Almighty.

So they torture my body and my brain into every conceivable and unnatural chemical and physiological contortion and experiment, trying to entice and trap me into their holographic world. I guess they think if I see them, that somehow, I am going to all of a sudden, believe the lies and claptrap with which so many others are now victimized, and justify the outrageously egregious and predatory psychic and physical rape that they have already committed against hundreds of thousands of humans. I listened to some of Sheldan Nidle on the radio yesterday, and was so distressed that someone could swallow those lies that these UFO/ET cultists believe. I ask myself, “how could it get this far?” I think I know. First of all, it got this far, because we, as a race, no longer believe in the Truth, or that there is even a Truth. From a religious perspective, GK Chesterton said it best, “When people no longer believe in God, they don’t believe in nothing—they believe in anything!” I can’t really blame people for not maintaining an unswerving fidelity to the pursuit of Truth and God, because the churches, which should have been our leaders and shepherds have completely failed in their responsibility. I could write a whole entire book on how the roots and branches of this monumental failure developed and lay, but this is not the time, and I have not the energy. Suffice it to say that the blame is everywhere—from the patriarchal Catholic hierarchy, to the mediocre mainstream Protestants to the dogmatic, self-righteous fundamentalists and evangelicals.
The concept of truth has even been compromised and undermined in the strictly secular arena. In my first year at UCR, before my conversion, I explored some philosophy and psychology classes, thinking that maybe one of those subjects would provide an avenue of pursuit into the Truth that I sought desperately sought. What a joke! Deconstructionism, rationalistic and/or self-referential and subjective circles and dead ends, empirical solipsism—-nobody (I speak mainly of the professors, though the students were being trained in it as well), referenced anything except the sovereignty of their own academic territory and subjective egoistic needs and demands. (Oh, and guess what, a virtual reality world is one in which the satisfaction of the small, egoistic demands is completely anticipated, catered to, and gratified). I was a Humanities student where such sacrilege was especially evident, but the Science students were being trained in it to. I especially remembered my dismay as I watched “Omni” magazine devolve. From my earliest years, I had always been a big, nearly indiscrimate reader of science fiction, but over the years, I began to realize that these scientists (MIT and JPL types) had lost touch with their own humanity, their own flesh, their own sexuality, and were advocating for a reality that was truly sick, warped, and unhuman. Again, I am too sick to write in support of this thesis. Let me just say that I knew a lot of evangelicals were in the sciences, and instead of countering with an informed, humanistic version of the Truth, they fell into the easy defense of dogmatic truth, ie creationism. I would get so frustrated because I knew that they were fighting dogma with dogma, (only one science student, a physics postdoc, had the balls to debate with me—the rest gave me a wide berth), and thereby bypassing the pursuit and revelation of Truth altogether.

All of these things combined have led all of us to be vulnerable to the Big Lie. I wish I could expleain better, but I hurt and am in pain and need to lay down. Before I woke up I dreamed of taking motrin. I’ve taken two, and need to lay down. I have to get out and get some water, so I need to feel better.


Later…not feeling better, just more deeply drugged. I realize it has been over a week since I last worked out and couldn’t even work out for the full session last time I went. Now my body is wrecked with the chemical caused muscle spasms of last night. I can move a few incehes at a time, but my entire right leg and hip are now out of joint. I just discovered that I literally cannot rotate my arm with the palm up. Of course it doesn’t matter to the Grand Inquisitors. They still are trying to get me to some unnatural state of being—whether it be in the holographic world of our would-be slavers or the pietistic state of utter sterility that the Jesuit/opus dei crowd venerates as holiness. They don’t know what holiness is. Well let me tell you, assholes. Holiness is persevering in the state in which one is true, to self and true to God, and true to reality, even when it means being drugged and tortured and muscle-wracked. Nothing great I am doing—only being true to myself, humanity, and God, of which my tormentors know nothing, except by secondhand hearsay. They are correct about one thing tho—thanks to their goddamned drugs I am closer to the psychosis—I am not in reality at all. Only one problem you sorry assed fockers—I am a mystic, truth to me is oppenness to reality. Anything that happens in this psychotic haze and pain is of the devil and my spirit knows it, and my spirit cannot be drugged. When will you realize that you lost me years ago—that when you failed to honor my free will, that you revealed yourselves to be children of Satan. It is you who are the true prisoners of this planet. You can kill me, destroy my health and body, but you cannot change or control my spirit. It will be in sadness, but in knowledgeable experience, that I, along with God’s holy angels and true saints, will stand in judgement against you. May God preserve any human being from suffering the undeserved hell that you have unleashed upon me. Run and hide, fockers, judgment is coming….