Later…not feeling better, just more deeply drugged. I realize it has been over a week since I last worked out and couldn’t even work out for the full session last time I went. Now my body is wrecked with the chemical caused muscle spasms of last night. I can move a few incehes at a time, but my entire right leg and hip are now out of joint. I just discovered that I literally cannot rotate my arm with the palm up. Of course it doesn’t matter to the Grand Inquisitors. They still are trying to get me to some unnatural state of being—whether it be in the holographic world of our would-be slavers or the pietistic state of utter sterility that the Jesuit/opus dei crowd venerates as holiness. They don’t know what holiness is. Well let me tell you, assholes. Holiness is persevering in the state in which one is true, to self and true to God, and true to reality, even when it means being drugged and tortured and muscle-wracked. Nothing great I am doing—only being true to myself, humanity, and God, of which my tormentors know nothing, except by secondhand hearsay. They are correct about one thing tho—thanks to their goddamned drugs I am closer to the psychosis—I am not in reality at all. Only one problem you sorry assed fockers—I am a mystic, truth to me is oppenness to reality. Anything that happens in this psychotic haze and pain is of the devil and my spirit knows it, and my spirit cannot be drugged. When will you realize that you lost me years ago—that when you failed to honor my free will, that you revealed yourselves to be children of Satan. It is you who are the true prisoners of this planet. You can kill me, destroy my health and body, but you cannot change or control my spirit. It will be in sadness, but in knowledgeable experience, that I, along with God’s holy angels and true saints, will stand in judgement against you. May God preserve any human being from suffering the undeserved hell that you have unleashed upon me. Run and hide, fockers, judgment is coming….
Neverending motherXXXXing pain. Muscles so spasemed and locked I cant walk upright. Try so hard to walk but I cant walk more than a couple of hundred yards before muscle spasms make it impossible to move. Even at my best, I am walkinmg like rain man. Legs cant bend. Muscles in glutes frozen but getting bigger and bigger as I cannot walk with my back or stomach muscles. Getting fatter and fatter. Way too much pain and muscle spasm to work out. Hurt so bad. Do these assholes have any idea how much I hate them for the pain they cause me. I don’t think it msatters to them. They live in another world. But I live in physical one. Not very well. God please help me survive this hell.
March 23, 2010
I’m listening to a pretty smart guy, a Dr. Amen, talk aabout the brain and losing weight. I appreciate what the guy is saying but I know that unlike Dr Amen and his audience, I literally have no control over my own body. I am enslaved by satanic freemasons via implants and drugs, and even while watching the show I could not get to my feet, could not stay on my feet, hobbled in pain to walk, while my brain is back in brain stem strangulation/brain tumor mode. In addition my legs and arms are starting to cramp up, even while at rest, and my left hand and right foot are suffering from excruciating nerve pain caused by implants. My life is hell. I cannot do anything abut my weight until I have ownership of my body again, which may be never. I try to force myself to do some exercise, but there is no joy, no release of energy—nothing really give me joy—ask anyone who can barely hold their head up while their brain stem is being strangled, what gives them joy, and you will understand I am not being facilely dismissive.
I guess I am being punished because with each passing day I learn more and more of these satanic monsters and of their evil designs for humanity and our world. I now suspect that my (original) DNA has elements of two competing alien strains. Crazy as it seems, my paternal side—the MacGregors-- are descended from the watchers (and maybe, also, Constantine and/or the Merovingian bloodline. It is a lineage overlaid and shot through with evil, no doubt the gift of the fallen Watchers. An occultist of the 20th century—the prime mentor of Aleister Crowley laid claim to being a MacGregor (he probably wasn’t—he was a Mather, hmmm, another interesting name—Cotton Mather…), as justification for his inflated occultic claims. It was really very sad to read of his and Crowley’s depravations. As I read of their rites of murder, rape, and gross sexual immorality and explicit bestiality, I wasn’t afraid or disgusted. I found myself in a place of prayer while reading it, truly feeling sorry for people who could be so fundamentally disturbed and alienated.
Crowley and the contemporary occultists are right about one thing though—sexuality is very close to spirituality, and thus primal power. When I named this blog to reflect my desire to reclaim my own sexuality and spirituality back, I thought I was just fighting some narrow-minded, homophobic, Catholic Taliban prigs, but it goes so much deeper than that.
I’m finding it impossible to concentrate. Im in a lot of pain and need to take the only painkiller I have—alcohol. I hate starting to write something without finishing, but my suffering makes concentrated thought and exposition nearly impossible. Wish I could speak it into a software program. Another time.
March 24, 2010
Abducted again last nite. Woke up with cramping belly (only it was deep) and painful ovaries. I think the goddamned masonic fockers tried to scrape out whatever eggs I might have left after they removed them all three years ago during my eye surgery. Almost all. Ive had three, maybe four periods, since then. Maybe there is a couple of eggs left somewhere—motherfockers all salivating over the thought of an ovum marked with their overlords’ truly evil genetic tag. I don’t suppose there is many such “genetically correct,” fertile eggs left in any of the multiple universes that they scavenge, as they look to exploit any raw materials in an attempt to try to revive the degraded race, once known as homo sapiens, which they destroyed years ago in their virtual reality pods that totally denatured the human race from our own bodies.
I hate to be mean, but all I can say to that degraded species, aka, zeta reticulans, is “rest in peace.” Even the dinosaurs or Neanderthals didn’t have such an ignominious end. As for me, there is no peace or even small measure thereof. For the pathetic masonic/satanic/luciferian/templar minions are determined to deliver my soul on a platter to the luciferian lords they worship and serve. Ive been so sick all day that all I can do is hobble. My entire right leg and pelvis is jacked so that I cant even walk straith. Left arm messed up too. My right foot is inflamed with nerve pain and left side of body is severely arthritic. What do the Nazi fockers hope for now? More eggs you can scrape and ream out, you goddamned rapist pigs? The thought that I am going to channel for you sick sons of bitches? I don’t know. All I know is that I am sick and miserable beyond belief, and long for the truly merciful death that I wish for the progeny of my own stolen ova.