March 26, 2010
Drugged up to the point that I can barely function mentally. So full of rage just want to throw things. No focking energy. Getting up and moving so focking hard. Keep looking at messy house overflowing laundry. Cant get outy of my focking head. No physical energy whatsoever. Sitting on toilet I shut my eyes too much effor t to process stimuli. . Eyes shut now….. Just want to be a human being again. These goddamned assholes want me to communicate with interdimensional reality (yeh, I know what you did last night—you might as well stop paying my youthful neighbor to leave everytime you pull your electromagnetic XXXX, but then again, maybe not, because no human being should have to suffer what I have to suffer for over 90% of my life). Well guess what—I will communicate interdimensionally when I CHOOSE to. Tell homey from last nite I don’t play music unless I want to. I AM A FREE PERSON, and I insist on being treated as a free woman, not being drugged, chipped, implanted, and manipulated like a goddamned lab animal. If you want to (yes, you, WLR), snoop into my computer and use top-secret technology to intercept and decode the 0’s and 1’s so that you can pass it on to the highest levels of the Cabinet as actionable intelligence, you go right ahead. You want me to pretend that I don’t know what your (and the other races expectations) of me, alright play your stupidass little games that keep me in physical pain, in poverty, lonely, isolated (oh, but isn’t that the way of great religious saints—HELL NO!), but I won’t cooperate. I need help, real help, real support, real emotional connection. I am not some focking plaster of paris saint that the heretical institutional church sets up to venerate as their “saints”. I am a real person, goddamn it, with real needs, and right now I need to be clear of these goddamned drugs which steal all of my energy and spasm my muscles so bad that I can’t walk upright. In the meantime, you want to play the stupid “We know better than you” bullcrap, I invite you to confer with the morons of the Spiritual Life Institute, and ask them how well that kind of patriarchal control play works on a truly free person. So yeh, I’m not free because the goddamned drugs hem me in on every side and focking suck all the life, vitality and energy out of me, but I am free enough to withhold my cooperation, and consider it withheld until I get my body and my free will back.
No change right now—just greater realization of what is goin on. Severe headache. I realize how victimized I am by these occultic evil masons. I see that someone is trying to get ratzinger. I saw one of his minions, fr. Murphy on tv—another satanist. I realize now that malachi martin was so close to understanding what was going on. Ratz had all pedophile cases refered to him as inquisitor—why? So he could protect the satanists, like he did murphy, while the pathetic pedophile freelancers—of which there are quite a few—hung high. Well, I am glad that the evil somewhere is receiving justice but not the people who push the brain downloads in my brain. I realize how my poor body is giving out—more and more I feel like I have diabetes and I don’t know if I am ever going to get my pelvic girdle normal. So sick that I cant exercise . but the worst of all right now is the goddamned headache. All so I can channel for these sick sons of bitches. Gonna be a bad nite—all I can do is ask for God to protect me. Nothing I can do about my body. How much suffering can I endure? Am I fated to live out the rest of my life imprisoned in pain and suffering by these goddamned satanic implants?
Fighting so hard to get up and do little tasks--so enervated by drugs. I guess that beats going out of my mind with pain which is the other alternative--which crescendos when the implant downloads peak.
I am very worried about certain long term changes--my musculo-skeletal system is so spasmed that I can't keep my legs straight or reach out with my arms. Also, for the second day in a row I noticed that I could not understand a Spanish speaker. I don't consider myself fluent in Spanish, but I can understand and communicate pretty decently, but the last two times someone has spoken to me in Spanish, I couldn't understand AT ALL. It's as though I can't enter the state of mind that I need to enter in order for the brain to be receptive to a foreign language. I hope this is not a long term thing, but I suspect these implants (and drugs) are attempting to increase my right brain ability (imagination), at the expense of the left brain (logic and language). But by my (autistic), nature, I already am overwhelmingly right brain. What I have had to do is really work at left brain utility, but now these implants are totally undermining my ability to function in reality. Nothing I can do.