How I Lost My Groove Again

Well, obviously clearing my body of this poisonous shit is going to be a process, since in an attempt to get my body back on track, I went back to my homopathic doctor and they gave me tainted medicine.  I can taste it, I can feel it (I'm so sick of having palpitations and funny nerve sensations all over my body).  Most of all I am pissed over how it affects my work performance.  I'm too dull and depressed and unfocussed to work well, so my saves rate suffers badly and that means a crappy paycheck next month.  I'm also upset because I can't wear pants that I could wear two weeks ago, and I feel just yucky all over.  I'm so angry at being put in such a fucked up state, I want to hit or break something, but I tell myself "stay cool."  These people who are doing this to you (and I include my roommate in this) don't have a clue who you are or what motivates you or how to heal you.  The only problem is that the people who do know me, love me, and could motivate and/or heal me are prevented from relating to me.  But hey, I've been here before---the entire time I lived under my father's authority.  I survived his ignorance and abuse, and I will survive theirs.  I will just do what I am good at when faced with abuse I can't confront---withdraw into my room and live in my head.  In the meantime though, I got to get clear of these fucking meds.  I can't stand what they are doing to my body.  Obviously this night is a fucking waste, but tomorrow I have to try to start living again.  I guess I could always go out and join the land of the living dead---go watch TV or go to church, but instead I got to go find some kind of thyroid supplement that my body can take without making me suicidal or homicidal, or even worse, just one of the dull, half alive zombies, afraid and unable to live life to the full.  I know what I need to do this upcoming week.....