How Tita Got Her Groove Back

I was able to go to the gym and work out last night for the first time in over two weeks.  I came home feeling like a human being again---finally capable of doing something physically demanding with my body, instead of laying around, unable to do anything, except lay in my own mental fog.  I tried to imagine what goes through my persecutors' heads as I struggled to understand what could motivate people to poison someone who is so obviously healthy with anti-depressants.  I thought of Dubya, and the posts I've been reading about him being a dry drunk who replaced alcohol with exercise-aholism, and I wondered if I were using exercise as an addiction.  After last night I can answer genuinely, "no."  Now, admittedly, I exercise more than I would if I were healthy.  But my back demands yoga 3+ times a week (and besides I really enjoy the physical/spiritual connection), and because of my weight (which has increased dramatically in the last two and half weeks), I have to push myself to work out harder and longer than I normally would.  I think if I were healthy and happy about my weight, I would only do cardio exercise a couple of times a week, and only for about an hour or little more.  But as I felt myself sweat out two weeks of inactivity, I realized that physical exercise is necessary to balance out the human body and psyche.  I have always been a physical person, and experience joy when I am physical (fine, be a cynic and call them biochemical endorphins).  But the bottom line is that kind of chemical is natural and healthy, and people wouldn't be needing the fake shit if they were producing that on their own.  We human beings are physical beings and we are meant to exercise our bodies.  As a kid, I never went to the gym, because I was outside working everyday, including my two mile paper route that I walked every morning.  But as I got to be an adult in an urban setting, I needed a place to be physical again, and that is why gyms are important.  I sit at a desk all day long.  My body craves some kind of physical movement--even if its on a mechanical device.  No wonder this society is so fat and unhealthy---we do not exercise our physical bodies anymore.  I saw a youth working out last night that was in pain from overexercising, but he was young and healthy and his body could handle it, and all I could think of is this is how a youth should prove his manhood--pushing his body to the limit, not slugging 60 proof alcohol or driving like a moron or being an x-box champion.  Now, maybe Dubya is an exercis-aholic, but I think he just replaced one form of denial with another---in this case the whole messed up, macho view of the world and human/political relations.  His exercise is probably the most healthy element in his life......I know that it feels good to have my physical life back.