Sunday, November 6, 2005

laughing and mad at the same time

Well, I can't believe it.  The Catholic thought police have gotten into my computer and installed a parental control software package on it--CGuard.  It is running in stealth mode, but I found it when it was hanging up the computer.  They also have completely removed my Word from the computer, along with all associated file, including the chatlog that I had saved on a Word document.  They have set my Windows startup so that I cannot save any setting changes (I have insufficient security rights!!).  In other words they have only acted out on the implicit assumption that they have had for me for years---that I am a child, totally under their domination and control.

What made them so mad?  First of all, I recognized immediately their attempt to dope me up again, without my knowledge of course.  It made me immediately ill.  These psychological hacks and control freaks can't recognize that, unlike them, I enjoy being psychologically healthy.  I don't want to be doped up with dysfunction or half lives like them.   I want to be fully alive, healthy and whole, and sexually active.

Then there was the erotic picture I downloaded that I truly enjoyed as a background desktop icon.  Now that is gone, and I see that the Cguard prevents any image being captured as a permanent screenshot image. 

Finally, I actually dared to speak with someone on the Internet, who I actually enjoyed talking to--someone who makes me feel like a human being, a real person, instead of the objectified thing that the SLI & Co. do, everytime they try to approach me behind their anonymous screen names.  I can recognize a hateful twit, a smarmy bastard, a controlling misogynist within about 3 minutes of conversation.  I can even recognize their individual personalities, just as surely as they don't have a clue about mine.  Oh, but they don't need to relate---they hide behind their habits (with the veil of course), Roman collars, and doctorate degrees.

Fortunately, I'm not the kind of person who gets attatched to anything---not even my own writing or chats, so I laugh that these people think that erasing images and words from my computer is going to erase my preferences and feelings.  Do the hate that you want.  You can't stop me from being a horny lesbian waiting for the day I get laid, and you can't stop me from loving who I love.  You are just jealous that someone else besides your pathetic, dysfunctional, warped selves can actually motivate and inspire me.  This time, though, your actions are going to backfire.  You just about have put me in a position where I have nothing to lose.  I think I know my next step--I'm thinking and praying about it.  But no matter what my next step, I want you to know that you failed.  Your attempts to starve me from love and communication and self expression will not work.  I just about have removed the dope from my system that you put in, and I am feeling stronger and clearer and more free than I have in a very long time.  You can make me suffer, but you can't make me sell out to the same idolatry you have.  Bye bye you bloody bastards.

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