Thursday, January 19, 2006

crying

Woke up crying this morning, so depressed and tired that I have to force myself to get up and moving.  I realize now that the inquisitors have made me into a model American citizen--I'm depressed, passive, fat, hating my job and my life, and all strung out on the drugs that rich people are making a bundle on.  In short, I'm the soulless drone, incapable of sustained thought or depth of feeling that they wish to control.  No more worries of abundant energy or joyful exuberance from me.  Yep--they have made me a sick model of themselves.

I realized this morning I have stretch marks on my calves---from the swollen fat and severe fluid retention that I have been experiencing.  When I realized that it was lithium I was on and the primary conveyor of the poison is the pod where I worked, I went and got some thyroid supplement.  Fluid has dropped down a little and I don't feel so much like I'm too sick to function (except once the drugs hit my body---early afternoon), but I know the damage is permanent.  Nothing to do, but go to the job I truly dislike now.

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