Tuesday, January 31, 2006

A sad day for the country.

Judge Alito will be nominated today.  As much as I worry and fret about my own problems and suffering, I know what a severely negative impact this nomination will have for this country, and our once proud heritage of individual rights and liberties.  I have been reading that Alito is a member of Opus Dei, and I don't doubt it for a moment.  I also realize that now the Supreme Court is stacked with Roman Catholic fundamentalists, and I know what that means for judicial decision in this country.  For I bear in my body the psychological and physical scars caused by their total disregard for the rights and respect due individual liberty, person, and body. 

An aside:yesterday, I left the stove on again.  In addition to the cost, there is the danger.  But I know how completely messed up (high and alienated from reality), I really was.  I tell these Opus Dei operatives over and over and over again, how poisonous the psychtropic drugs are for my mind and body (I realized yesterday that I was straining my back because my muscles were so weak that they were overextended; as I was driving I couldn't turn my head to check the rearview mirror because my whole torso was stiffened and in pain, in reaction to the poison).  They don't believe me, and I realize now that they won't and can't believe me.  It goes totally in the face of their ideological (it is NOT spiritual, fanaticism).  Anything is justifiable to bring someone under their Talibanic control, and they will destroy me before they can allow me to live as a free woman.  My life is so pathetic, pain-racked, miserable, and lonely right now, that really it is not worth fighting for (couldn't help but think how easy it would be to die in my new place; especially subconsciously--am I leaving the gas on because I want to die--a reproach against mother negligence), but it is worth fighting for the rights and liberties of others that I am denied myself.  Now that there are 4 Catholic fundamentalists on the Supreme Court, what is happening to me will very soon be the law of the land.  I have been falsely accused, thrown in jail, stripped of my rights to life and liberty, drugged against my will, constantly monitored and surveilled, by camera, by web, by a GPS in my truck, despite my impotent rage,in the "privacy" of my own home.  Ha Ha!  I haven't had a home in years---not since I got involved with the SLI, and they put the resources of Opus Dei against me.  Basically, Big Brother has succeeded in controlling every important aspect of my life, but the one God-given sanctuary they cannot---my free will.  And they will NEVER get it, because I will not give my allegiance over to evil, and there is no doubt in my mind, that religious fundamentalism is not in the service of God, but the evil one.   Still, I have faith, and I have hope, and maybe one day, I will love again, but I know now what I was called to do, no matter what my pain and suffering (no use complaing about it; Opus Dei operates on a principle of body sadism/masochism.  It turns them on that I suffer.  They think that they are making progress).  I remember as a teenager, dreaming that my country was becoming a fascist dictatorship, and that I was an underground leader in the fight against it.  I was in constant, desperate fear for my life, but driven by my desire to restore my country's liberties and freedoms.  Who else to fight for rights, but someone who has suffered grievously, physically and psychologically, the loss of them?   I don't know how, but that has to be my focus.  I have to forget about endurance or fighting for my rights.   Alito is the final block in the wall that the fundamentalists have been building (I wonder what political deal Bush and John Paul made in exchange for the bishops coming out against Kerry---what rotten, rotten outrage).  My back is up against it.  I have to fight back with everything I got...admittedly not much when I am doped up to the gills, but I have to try.  God help me....

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