So much for the respite

So much for the respite--the Risperdal has started up again--I can tell by the serious muscle spasms that have attacked my back.  I can also tell by the heavy depression that I woke up with.  I actually felt it last night.  So much for my newfound ability to laugh once more.  Once again, I am reduced to getting up and struggling to get through life.  I really need to get a job but every time I start to resolve to do it (I am considering doing political activism, and supporting the Democratic candidate but it takes immense amounts of psychic energy involving rationalization and endless pep talks to myself about party discipline), I get sickened by the drugs, too sick to work.  I look for a desk job but no one will hire me.  Today I could not work at a political activist job, which involves a lot of walking and thinking/talking on one's feet.  As a matter of fact, I am hoping that I will be able to get out of the parking lot without another scratch.  It was crazy trying to do it last night (some extended cab truck is narrowing the already narrow gap), and I was so drugged I couldn't drive properly but God got me home safely.  That is all I have hope in--that God will get me, this country, and this world out of this mess that we are all in.