more september schit

Sept 18
Torture. Only word for the hell ive experienced at hands of aryans. So sick today, so very awful goddamned sick, agony cannot be imagined. My stomach is totally blocked and undigesting. I ate toast with roast beef for breakfast but it made me sick and nauseaus like light supper last nite. Belly completely shut down. I realize my whole belly is dead zone but worst is the stomach which is in such terrible pain. Since the toast I have tried to it two almolds a couple of times to see if stomach could accept any food. Cant. Made me nauseaus severely. Worst goddamned headache. Inabilty to fucntion. Trying to eat tiny bites of banana. Jaws are so locked with whatever drug they are on, can barely open mouth, very difficult to chew Abanana. Worried abut dehydratoin . drank about a pint of water today in small sips. Every time I take a swallow, I get sick, nauseaus and gassy. How can I have gas on an empty stomach? All for what—so the focking goddamned aryan pigs get their saint for the mind control religion they wish to foist on humanity and another human cpu for their overlords ships and time travel. Over and over agin I try to tell people what is up. Right now too sick to do anything but document my torture. Someday God I have to be free of this hell and the blonde boys who patrol it. Death would be so welcome. As it is I have to tyr to sleep with goddamned berain rushes . took a tylenol pm. Hope belly can digest it. Just want to sleep and die. One thing I know for sure—ending up in aryan dimension will lead to nothing but physical rape and even more degrading slavery. Wish for death. Wish for death. Goin to try to go to sleep listening to jimmy buffett, a man who knew how to enjoy life and fantasize about making love to a beautiful woman (I know my lesbianism drives the soulless aryan pigs crazy. They despise all love and sexuality. They just want to suction off all the energy that is generated by the love. Tough. Unlike the aryans I know what holiness and love is about, and celibacy has nothing to do with fullness of life as Jesus lived it or as I live it, and it is only the memory of being loved and the hope of loving a partner again that keeps me alive, and makes me open to the love that I see around me, leading to healing.

Sept 19—risperdol, I think. Got the sick headaches, the unable to keep eyes open, bear any stimuli thing going on. Got the muscle locks and spasms. Back and hips hurt so bad, but worse is my jaw joints. They are so locked I have to shove food between parted lips , cant open and close. I can eat again. Stomach still hurts a lot, but it is no longer completely closed off. Severe emotional and pshyusical agony. I lay down in fantasy world, more real and accessible than real one which is full of pain, agony, and muscle cramps. My legs are having a lot of nerve pain from the implants. EVERYTHING HURTS. Wanted to take a shower and change clothes for first time in three days. But as soon as I stood up, I knew taking shower impossible. Body is too heavy to hold itself up. Too hard to hold back up in chair anymore. Bye. How long this agony God. Someone please break my legs…..i already cant walk don’t need them anymore. Oh, forgot. Suffering from same brain rushes and anxiety attacks. Think they r anxiety attacks. Become breathless. But then all physical exertion makes me breathless. Climing basement stairs had me so winded as if I had just done hundred yard dash. Too sick to care about everything. Want to take shower but too sick.

Realized goddamned dr mengele did major surgery during my nightly abduction a couple nites ago—I think they maybe literally removed a set of ribs. I had told dale that the stupidass nazi frankenstein doctors did all kinds of horrific medical experimentation and torture on me without even bothering to investigate the basics—like vitamin deficiencies? Like hormonal irregularities? Like extra organs appropriate to a chromosomal XY male? Like an XY male skeletal structure? I don’t know why I say this XXXX because they just turn and use it against me. I definitely had major surgery. Left my stomach all fuccked upp and closed off. Now I am just sore and sick everywhere. I think they removed it from upper body, breastbone area. I started noticing how deflated my fat-inflated boobs felt. You just don’t lose that much weight all at once. Nothing the goddamned frankenaryan drs do has a health or salutary benefit. Now I ve got to try to go sleep with massive sick headaches, and paain that literally makes me want to smash my stools thru the windows, and scream and curse at top of lungs. Tired of being treated like an experimental lab rat ( the goddamned nazis think they are homo-soulless while we homo sapiens are demi-humans). I don’t like who I am anymore. I hate my body. I hate the constant pain and suffering. I hate being a prisoner of Mengele and his goddaamn inhuman aryans. I hate going to sleep knowing that these evil spirits will abduct me and torture me again. I hate waking up in the same sick, helpless, miserable, pain-wracked body. Does this schit ever end?