pain

rSeptember 7th.10

Another holiday, another summer, another day, another year gone. So drugged up that at times I can barely move. So depressed that I don’t even care. I cry over my lost life, my lost innocence, my wrecked body, but I no longer look forward to anything but death. Maybe I shouldn’t write when im depressed. I can look at my face and see the severe swollen mask that doesn’t even look like me and the dead eyes staring back at me. Not me.

Tried to read. But too sick..

Septemer 8—nite from hell wakiiing up wishing I were dead. Literally. Pain and suffering unimagibalbe.. never ending. Back muscles and spine herut so badd. Hips and legss joints and muscle painful. Hurts to hiccup. Back muscles so spasmed. On some kind of drug , don’t know, maybe amped the dosage of the virus, maybe im on some spychotropic….. just know that it takes everything I have , emotionally and physically to move. Even lowering heaviy head is painful. Everything painful. Everything hurts. But worse of all is spiritual hurt. Know that nite before last—when my face and eyes diednt even belong to me, that an evil spirit resurfaced. What evil spirit I don’t know. But it was enough to get the pibs out and sicced on me again. One went joy riding in my mind while I surfed web yesterdday. I could pick up that the sick warped pscyich pig thought that I was one of him.. there is something profoundly disturbing about these telepaths who invade my mind without permission or mutual consent. The worst, though, are the White psychics. They have an evil spirit very akin to pedophilia. They give me the creeps, just like pedophiles do. And satanists. Satanists are almost always pedolphiles because they enjoy violating the innocence of children. Show me a satanist, and I will ask myself “where is this monster gaining access to little children?” Nearly always they are involved in child or youth care, seeking them out in extracurricular activities, if not in a professional capacity. Now that I think about it, I can say that the proprietary attitude they evince towards me is the exact same proprietary smugness that I encounter on the rare occasions when I meet up with a satanist—whether it’s Maurice Strong eyeing me across a room, or some two-bit, evil pedophile laughing at me while I shop at the grocery. The bottom line is that the satanists think that I am one of them, and I can deny it all I want, but it doesn’t help if unconsciously I am showing my allegiance (how, I am not sure, but yes I know from the PIB’s smugness yesterday, that indeed I am.

Of course, consciously, I repudiate and reject Satan and all his lies and empty promises, but deep down in my unconscious, which they can only get to by massive drugs, is an evil spirit, waiting to rrear its ugly head and claim ownership of me. And now, that the damned satanists has had a recent, confirmed sighting of their beezelbub lord in me, I can expect a severe onslaught of drugs as they try to flush the evil spirit out of its deep, hidden recess, and into active agency. It won’t happen. I would rather die first, and to be honest, right now, I feel so bad, I wish I were indeed dead. But I know that these PIB’s are so convinced of the superioroity of their lord, Satan, that they will not believe me. All I can do is suffer, until God in his mercy, removes this evil spirit. I can’t remove it. I don’t think any Christian team can remove it. Until that happens, I am not fit company for the upright, because at any time, without warning, I could betray my conscious comrades, while asleep and under the spell of the evil spirit.
Of course, I could better understand the nature of my compromised being, and the nature of the evil spirit, if I could get people to communicate honestly with me, but right now that istn happening. All I can do is go off the response of the psychic pib towards me, and it was supremely ugly aand violating. In away, it doesn’t matter, for I am so drugged up and depressed right now, I am not capable of recognizing or fighting any evil whatsoever. All I can do is endure, praay for death.

Worse than I realized—pain in belly and to pee—motherfockers have messed even further with my hormonal/sexual/gonadal/urinary system. No energy. None. Hotflashing terrible. All I can do iscry. Severe nausea and headaches.. sick sick migraine headaches. Took fiornal. Need more. Only thing that helps with pain. Then there is numbness in sacrum and glutes. Don’t know what fockers did to my sacrum but numbness, deadness. Can barely lift legs and cant walk in stride, only shuffle. Never felt that kind of pain in brokeness before. Back muscles all spasmed. Don’t know how to heal it lkie I do with my former back problems. Too sick t odo any exercise whatsoever. Standing and moving a few fettat a time is incredible hardship. Every time I think life, suffering, medical torture cant get worse, it does. Wish for death God, I wish for death, an end to this pain and suffering, release from my mutilated body which no longer belongs to me, and has no one to love. Wish for death tonite.

Sept 9-- 3 times lost this posting due to problems with heavy hands deleting. no control over hands or legs. can barely walk. spine messed up. think im semi-paralyzed. pain is terrible not just spasms in upper back but numbness and pain in sacrum sit bones. too sick to do any exercise. severe migraines --dont know if it is spinal or hormonal. just want drugs . will not fight for health or body anymore. clearly i am a slave to the new world order pibs, and their psychic army and their aryan overlords which are running our govt. i know this tho, as long as i live, i will fight those bastards with everything ive got. i look at all the others they have destroyed in their deceptions and lies--sherry shriner, and that poor slave, Nancy from zetatalk (want to know the face of the nazi nwo--read zetatalk. in 2008, it was a great site to learn (from disinformation) about barack obama, their "boy" (o, for chrissakes stop with the goddamned race card already--obama has the manhood of a worm--don't even insult a "dog" which is a faithful and loyal defender of humanity) propped up, groomed, and totally sold to the American public by the sold out media, until they realized people were able to discern the truth from the site and totally shut up. Obama may be currently limited, but I know that he is incredibly dangerous, and that we, as Americans and all Earth citizens, are endangered, because the aliens that backed him, and the muslim/chinese strategy and money that financed him still want to bring down the US so they can bring down the wrold. im not making sense. i know im not. i got a sick sicjk headache. cant thingk logically.
JUST KNOW THIS: no matter what, no matter how sick, no matter how depressed or alienated, I will never suport the nazi aryan agenda. never. my only goal and hope in life now is to bring your sorry nazi asses down. So help me God.