Thursday, September 30, 2010

sick sick sicker.

Sept.30,2010--I've got a weak wifi signal in my home so maybe I will post this after writing. Having a really hard time. Last nite was a nite from hell as I was up nearly all nite with a migraine and sick stomach, and the very same is happening again. I lost my wallet at the library today with about seventy dollars, my id, checkbook, and credit card. Had to spend part of afternoon dealing with all the problems. I could get angry at the thief, but I know it was my fault because I am 3walking around so drugged up that I am barely in reality. not focussed or engaged in life at all. Just faking it. Tonite is lining up to be another nite from hell. so very sick. Head has broken out in pimples and boils, no doub from all the forced hormonal changes. For I am losing muscle at such an accelerated rate, I know that the Pibs hav e to force feeding me hormones and chemicals to turn my body from its strong healthy vigor into a fat slug. My body no longer feels like it belongs to me at all. It is dr. Mengele's, and I cant wait until I can set up a a cosmetic masectomy to get rid of the freakish man boobs that are in the wrong place, now that the goddamned aryan butchers destroyed my God given frame. Instead of being centered, they are on the edges of the torso with breast fat extending under my arms. I will never find a bra with cups so unnaturally placed. Even now I have to wear the large size bras that I no longer fill out, because the cup fitting bras cannot reach the unnatural placement of the boobs on my nazi altered chest. Looking freakish is only the half of it. I literally cannot move my arms without running int0o interference from my own body. they dont belong to me. they are not mine, and I want to see nothing there but two small scars. I tried to bandage then down and flatten them so that they would stay out of the way, but i am no good at that kind of thing. I just them gone. So I am just fucking miserable trying to live in a body that no longer belongs to me, an inch shorter, much fatter, with my arms not able to move freelyh. On top of all that, my head is breaking out in pimples and boils from all the hormonal and chemical shit being forced down my ody..

But the body problems dont even bbegin to compare to the mind problems. Im so sick Im not funcional, which is how i ended up losing my wallet. House is a terrible mess,k but i am too sick to care. Walk around with sick headache, eyes barely open too see. Have so much to read, so much to think thru. but that is impossible in this state. I wanted to help out in the Denish campaign for governor. She is a politician of immense integrity (as far as politicians and power and money brokering goes), and it makes me sick every time I hear another sleaze ad put out by her opponent's Big Oil coffers. I am not an ideologue. I recognize and respect a candidate of quality and caliber even when I completely disagree with them. Such is the case with Joe Miller, the Tea Party candidate from Alaska. I would never vote for him but if I lived in
alaska and he won, I would know that my political representative would be a true professional and person of character, even if I disagreed and fought with him tooth and nail. I cannot say the same for some of these other clowns that the Tea Party is endorsing. It is scary, and I, for one, would be intensely uncomfortable with a know-nothing (not ONE of her ads have been substantive), big money, ass kisser running our state, whose only strength seems to be the proven Rovian tactic of spending outlandish sums of money on misleading, mudslinging ads. So I really did want to help out with the Denish campaign, and thought of volunteering 12 hours a week doing simple things, nothing too challenging, (though I am pretty good at talking politics on my feet). But who was I kidding? I can barely get up and move around my house. I am so drugged up that anyone who encounters me has to think I am seriously mentally ill. I have so many things I want to do that I can't do. Like clean my house. I just am tired of beig isolated. I would like to talk to people on a regular basis. But again, when I am this sick, it is too hard to talk to other people. My mom told me to get a cat, but I thought of that years ago, and discarded the idea because it would not be fair to an animal to live in a home where the air is full of drugging chemicals and the whole house is wired with magnetic coils to force the body's mental frequencies to reasonate high enough to go astral planing or shape shift. Not only that, I woulent be surprised if the house was being bombarded b y ELF waves to keep me depressed, mentally sluggish, and barely fucntioninjg, while the PIB's work at enslaving me for good. No, as muchas I would love to have a pet, I could not subject them to the hell that is my life.

As for me, time to try to go to bed. brain is rushing once more in the jolts that keep me awake so i am going to have to drug up. Im so hot. I cant believe the heat that is emanating from my body. My room is in the fifties and i am so hot. hope i can sleep . at least better than I did last nite.

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