Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Another round of contempt for Opus Dei

Another round of contempt for Opus Dei--every time that I start wondering that maybe, just maybe, those abusive, 21st century Inquisitors have FINALLY gotten the message that I want absolutely nothing to do with them, or their small, sick worldview, and warped, lame version of "religion" (most definitely not "spirituality"), they go and pull a bonehead move that only they would do.  After all, I might believe that a totally spirit-deaf, unimaginative but purely secular government psychiatrist might be the one to force lithium or risperdal on me, but they would not tamper with my thyroid medication.  I spent all of yoga class, regurgitating and swallowing back down the small bowl of chili that I had eaten four hours earlier.  My digestive system has totally stopped--again.  It has done it before when I was denied access to my thyroid meds.  Did you ever stop to wonder how I knew immediately that I was back on thyroid meds--days before I filled the prescription?  Well, I tell you how I knew.  I quite suddenly entered a very peaceful and calm mood, unlike my normal hyperactivity, aggressiveness, and irritability. My digestive system immediately started working again.  I could eat carbohydrates again, without getting sick and bloated. I actually ate a huge serving of mashed potatoes for the first time in YEARS!  I had a normal, healthy appetite again--the only time I have an appetite is when I am on thyroid medication.  So how do I know to eat?  I tell you how.  I am severely hypoglycemic when I am off thyroid meds.  My blood sugar has been incredibly stable for the past two weeks but now I am going to need the constant, high protein diet and snacks again.  Oh, and did I mention that I gained four pounds in two days.  I now weigh 196--though how much of that is undigested food and sluggish digestive enzymes, I don't know.  But that was your plan all along, wasn't it, you sick bastards.  You see, I know exactly how you think--and I rejected your way of thinking a long time ago.  If you really want to know, I never accepted it in the first place. That whole antiquated notion of imposed "mortification" is bullshit.  If you lived in the real world, you would know that.  A person who pursues and lives life to the full has more than enough mortification just from living life naturally.  But life--what a novel concept for you small minded Pharisees-- is something of which you barely know anything even though you pontificate about it all the time, and claim to follow Christ who insisted on living the abundance of life.  You want to impress me?  Don't have your pathetic numanaries, or whatever the hell they are called, go through the motions of contemplative practice at a gym.  Instead, I look for the glint of the Holy Spirit, or even, just a glimpse of the natural human spirit.  But what do I see?  Brainwashed cult members.  What mortification do you push on them?    I don't know and I don't care.  Anyone who would accept spiritual direction and obedience from your school of thought is not following Christ.  At one point, I was stupid and naive enough to approach, but you couldn't understand (because you really are not living life to the full, nor do you pursue it). that for me, the mortification of a male only priesthood was more than a sufficient enough cross for me to carry.  So you lost me, you dumb fucks.  You lost me YEARS ago.  GET OVER IT!  If it makes you happy, though, you totally have destroyed any desire or amition that I may have ever had for priesthood or ministerial service.  But that is not your loss, because I am not part of your communion or church.  So don't worry about it.  Forget it.  Forget me.  I know that you have taken away my thyroid meds because you think it is a great mortification for me to be out of control of my body and gaining weight.  And you are absolutely right in your assumption.  I AM out of control of my body and I cannot do anything to stop the weight gain that has been caused by over two years of your abusive doping of me.  But guess what?  I already am used to being out of control of my body.  And I know, I know, to stay far, far away from anyone who would deny me the legitimate drugs I need for health.  I don't even care about the damned weight.  I can't lose weight as long as you are force feeding speed into my system, anyway.   I just want to be able to digest my food, for God's sake.  I want my hormone levels to be normal.  But you sick pigs--you have done so much damage to my body through your abuse--you have done more damage to me than my father ever did--do you think that abusing me more is going to change my contempt for you?  The only thing more abundant than your arrogance is your stupidity.  Get a life.  Read the gospels.  Have a Christ experience.  Just leave me alone.  I want nothing to do with you.

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