Absolutely stoned and suffering on speed

Absolutely stoned and suffering on speed as I try to force myself to get up and live life.  The dumb fuckers who have trashed my life and my body in their stupidity and arrogance have lifted the psychotropic drugs (not because they had any kind of epiphany either, but because I sought help from a legitimate psychic).  However, it doesn't matter because I still am disabled by speed.  At first the dosage was light--not strong enough to make me feel stoned, angry, and cramping all my muscles.  Instead the dosage made me lethargic and unable to move, focus, or concentrate on anything.  I can't even read right now.  The words are meaningless and just go right through my brain, like liquid diarrhea.  A light dosage of speed also makes me so tired that everything is a struggle.  Yoga, yesterday, was sheer and total hell, as I tried to get enough energy to do poses for an hour.  My legs were tree trunks and today again, they are so heavy that I can hardly walk about the house.  And then, I still have the Christians playing their stupid mind games with me.  I'm beginning to realize just how stupid I have been depending on the Christian Church for ANYTHING.  All I wanted was some support in this lonely hell that I am in, and instead I get these stupidass Christians contributing to my misery by doping me in public places.  Oh, and the smile on their face, as they think they are doing something great.  It is becoming inescapably clear--the only people who truly help me heal, and offer me comfort in my pain are the "pagans."  It took me 10 years to dump the Roman Catholics.  I may be stupid, but my learning curve is not going to be that long this time--it won't take me another 10 years to dump Christianity altogether.  I am trying so hard to deal with so many interior issues of pain and complexity, and instead, I have to deal with the chronic pain and alienated condition brought up by these drugs.  Fuck you Martin, and fuck all the damned Christians who keep doping me.  I WILL heal myself, despite all the damned extra weight you put on me. 

Speaking of weight, I can't type anymore.  My arms are too heavy with speed. They are numb and dead.