Friday, January 18, 2008

Hating life

Hating life as I try to deal with the chronic pain caused by the speed and lithium that I am being force fed.  My body is shot full of inflammation and arthritis, and it is getting worse.  Even my fingers and my TMJ are now crippled by arthritic pain.  It was painful to even eat this morning as my TMJ is so bad.  I find it difficult to walk or move because my arms and legs are so heavy and dead.  My muscles and joints all feel dead, except for when I can feel the arthritic pain, like I can now in my lower back and hips.  Even yoga is becoming hateful.  Trying to do the poses feels like I have been swimming in cold water for 8 hours.  Everything is so hard, and I am so exhausted, so that all I want to do is lay down on my mat and curl up in a fetal position, which is pretty much all I want to do anyway.  Then there are the constant headaches, brain rushes, and nausea.  My body is just becoming an inert lump, and as usual there is nothing I can do about it.  I have to force myself to get up and do something. Soon.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I want to thank you for your blog as  much as it hurts u.I done most all drugs but i never got good speed or it just did nothing for me.I got my share of a messed up life also,Hepc,pancreatitis,liver cirrhosis but i feel ok now after getting off the morphine from my doc's.Always remember.......THE PUSHER DOESNT CARE... Hope things get better for u,,,Rob..........rstone5135@aol.com..mrrobstone2000@yahoo.com