Preparing myself for huge assault and trauma

Preparing myself for huge assault and trauma as I have spent the last 3 or 4 days slammed by nausea and migraine--my stomach isnt digesting properly again.  But worse is the inability to bear stimuli, the constant motion sickness and the body damage caused by muscle spasms and inabiliy to work out.  Not to mention my right eye which is not seeing properly due to prssure from too much fluid in my brain.  Of course these drugs mess up my eyesight so bad I cant even watch tv.  But I know the psychotropic drugs wont quit.  Because the assholes who are doing it to me have nothing to lose (because as stupid as they are, they do know one thing--they lost me years ago.  I will not cooperate with opus dei, the Roman Church or any entity that insists on abusing me, and WAY too much abuse has happened for me to ever forget).  So I don't know how much longer my life will be stripped from and denied me, while I suffer from torment, pain, and psychotropic drugs.  But I am in full damage control mode--and spend my days thinking about the women (funny, they are all women) who I know truly care about me.  They keep me going.  They remind me that there are people out there who love me for me, and not for what I can be used, controlled, or manipulated for.  They console me that yes, one day I will be able to live a life of intimacy, joy and lesbian sexuality with another woman.  They give me the strength to persevere .  Today I woke up a feeling a little better than usual (because I figured out how to evade the risperdal last nite--that wont happen again) and i only have residual risperdal and speed messing me up right now, so I have to struggle for productivity while i can.