Sunday, April 19, 2009
Miserable and depressed
Miserable and depressed--familiar refrain, go to bed hating life, and wake up hating life. I don't know if I am on some kind of psychotropic that has me so fucking depressed and angry all the time, or if this is just the byproduct of being in constant pain, having no energy or no ability to concentrate. On top of everything else, I fear I am close to losing two of the three things in life that, while not providing happiness or joy, at least can make me forget misery for a while. Sometimes, that is. I am trying to write a letter to the people who keep dogging my yoga class and instructor, but thanks to the goddamned opus dei and nwo assholes, I have lost the ability to compose letters and essays in my head. I have never written a rough draft in my life. I always write things out in my head and it just flows to paper. But I have lost all ability to "see" things in my head, and now, writing is no longer a flowing joy. Just the thought of it is more goddamned depression. Fucking work, and I can't keep ideas or thoughts or paragrahs or images in my head. I can't cut, copy and paste words in my head like I did for the first 42 years of my life. Congration fuckers. I'm fucking worthless. nothing to do but watch tv and see how the fucking assholes have screwed us over and are preparing to lead the rest of the nation to the same fate that is now mine--SLAVERY. I am just sick over the loss of my biweekly yoga class.