Saturday, April 18, 2009

Woke up depressed

Woke up depressed this morning, miserably drugged up as always, wondering if I am ever am going to feel human again. Last nite I dreamed that I was likely infected with cadium, barium, and radium. I am certain that I am suffering from long term barium poisoning. I havent had a chance to look at the other two to verify for sure. Don't think I will do it right now either. I am in too much pain from muscle spasms caused by the drugging. I wish people could have some idea of what it is to be in non stop chronic pain all the time, and the feeling of frustration that comes when it is imposed on me as a slave owner onto a slavc. It seems to me that my enslaved life keep getting bounced from one jurisdiction to another--political to spiritual. I guess that what I identify as faction 3, which is the evil political/economic cohorts in league with occultic powers, have written me off, and now Opus Dei is back in my life playing games. I guess they don't believe me when I say that Ratzinger is just as evil as the political powrs who play games with my life. I guess they don't believe me when I say that I will have no part of a patriarchal faithless Church and agenda--and opus dei operatives spraying me with drugss or zapping me with emf pulses are prime examples and representatives of faithless patriarchy. I guess they don't believe me when I say I will not be happy until I can mate with a person of the same gender. I can't help what lies and delusions people choose to believe. Because the entire world seems to be mesmerized by the illusory spell cast by the evil one--whether you call it "dogma" or "nlp" or whatever, I guess my ability to see through illusions set me apart, and makes me a high value target. There are people who I root for, who I pray for, who I know not only have my well being, but all of humanity's well being at heart. Unfortunately, all those individuals are eclipsed right now. All I can do is hope that someday, things change. Other than that, I can only pray for death. For the miserable, pain-wracked, drugged up life I lead day after day is no life at all.

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