So very fucked up

So very fucked up---not able to open eyes or hold head up. way too much csf in brain. can feel pressure, the brain strangulation that i recognize from before. forced myself to drive one mile to library, cant keep eyes open. cant take in stimuli.. wantdd to do laundry go to grocery store butt know i cant do that because im too fucked up to drive. wanted yesterday to work out.l havent worked out in over two weeks bu cant work out. too sick. in the meantime i get fatter and fatter. can see it and feel it in belly and legs . belly has some kind of weird shooting pains. i cant see straight. my right eye is so dark that i know optic nerve cant sustain this kind of pressure. way too dark with large pieces of field missing. cant even see keybord correctly. fortunately i type by touch.

but as fucked up as i am i had to force self to get up and drive the mile to library. mind wont stop. spirit wont die, until all senses in body die. have to fight the goddamned occultic fuckers responsible for my torture. i m too sick to write sustained but mind is firing. but because the goddamned pieces of shit r able to hack into my comupter into pretty much real time, i have to post from my gateway wprd processor. have to put out the knowledge. cant let the goddamned gnostics ("knowledge as power wielded over others"--the very definition of occultists, as opposed to legitimate and CREATIVELY spiritual religions have the upperhand. So i will post from floppy disk, "3pages"now and explain letter. now mind is too fucked up to think logically.