Crying in pain

Crying in pain as I am corsetted in inflammation caused by the relentless speed and other drugs forced into my body by my torturers.  There is nowhere that I do not suffer from inflammation--my joints, my neck, my back, my stomach muscles, my ribs, even my hands.  I am in the body of an 80 year old woman and there is nothing I can to do to try to heal myself until this doping stops, and even then, I don' think I will ever recover.  I don't know how much longer I can do even light stretching at yoga, because the pain is too severe.  I am tired of being in pain all the goddamned time.  I tell my body that it is not me abusing it, but all that my body knows is that it is being poisoned irreversibly.  The most basic right--my right to claim my own body and health--is denied me by the evil institutional powers of Church and State that I once trusted.  I tell myself not to take painkillers, but I cannot live with this level of pain.  I cannot bear to be in a body of unresponsive flesh and muscles. 

To make matters worse, I realized how much damage has been done to my brain when I tried to recall what I read today.  Forcing myself to read Mein Kampf (for about the fourth time--I never get through it.  I always throw it aside in indignant disgust), and I tried, while driving home today to recall what I read, and there was nothing there.  Gone are the days pre-lithium, when my mind was constantly thinking on a problem, a thought, an idea, a solution.  My IQ has been effectively halved by these assholes.