My head is swimming and my body is wrecked.

My head is swimming and my body is wrecked.  The psychotropic drugs not only cause severe depression and low energy (which I am used to dealing with by now), but I also suffer from "floating head" and weird brain rushes.  But the more pressing concern is just the pain.  I feel like I have been tortured on the rack or wheel with every muscle in my body stiff and disjointed.  I can't even hold out my hands normally, or torque my torso on the toilet seat.  I am in constant back and leg pain, and it hurts to try to even just sit (my muscles don't want to support my body sitting or standing), and it hurts with every step of my left leg.  I desperately need muscle relaxers but what is the point of taking dope to relax the muscles when the psychotropic drugs and speed cause the muscles to tense and spasm in unbearable pain.  All I want to do is lay in bed and cry, but I can't.  The goddamned fleas that I thought I killed last year have revived themselves (the heat must have hatched some dormant eggs), and I can find no relief in bed.  My DVD player broke last night (very interesting that malfunction, but I am too damned sick to meditate or write on any topics of greater spiritual significance--all I can do is fight to keep a physical record of my torture, so that someday people will know what has become of our country and religious institutions).  So now I can't even watch my trusted and true DVD's, which is what I do when I am too drugged to put attention to any of cable's programs or movies, which for the last few days have been the case.   Another day of unmitigated misery and pain, but I must force myself to take action.