High as a kite

High as a kite--but I am not sure if it is from psychotropic drugs or my body's natural protection mechanism to severe pain.  My left leg is beyond pain.  I can't walk.  I can't touch it.  I can't bear to feel loose-fitting shorts on it.   Even though both my legs and both my arms feel numb and dead to the point that I can't lift a cup of coffee to my mouth (and find it difficult to type--I can feel muscles in my back spasming, a direct response to the bare lifting of fingers on the keyboard), I am worried that, thanks to Opus Dei assholes, I now am going to have pain issues with my left thigh for the rest of my life.  What the hell--if I am not doing what they want, why do they care?  I am just a human being with no rights or feelings, just obligations and expectations.  Fuck them, and fuck every damn torturous thing they ever did to me.  And every time I break down crying because the pain is too much, I just stiffen my resolve to spread the truth about their lies and abuse to whatever audience I can.

And today I am crying a lot.  Yesterday, during yoga, I realized that in 13 years of living with a bad back, I can never remember the curvature of my spine being so pronounced that even my cervical spine is affected.  NEVER.  Also, yesterday, I realized my glutes and piriformis were tighter than I can ever remember being (and if they ever have been tighter, it has to be at the most recent 9 years ago, when I first started yoga). 

What causes all this?  The goddamned psychotropic drugs that force my muscles to spasm and tighten in involuntary reaction to being poisoned.  I have been taking Vicodin and may need to take it again to sleep tonite, but I am so fucking high and my head is so full of excess cerebral spinal fluid (oh did I forget all about how I am going blind in my right eye?), that I don't want to take any narcotics.  But the pain is so terrible that I don't think I can sleep without it. 

How much suffering God am I to endure?  I am so tired of being doped up in my brain and suffering the most agonizing of pain in my body.  Either kill me or them because it is too much.