Very depressed this morning

Very depressed this morning as I woke up drugged on Risperdal again.  I always can tell by the muscle spasms.  I am SO DAMNED SICK of having my body tortured by these psychotropic drugs.  I am in pain, goddammit, and all my muscles are inflamed and spasming. I don't know if I am ever going to be healthy again, or if the inflammation and arthritis is permanent (I think as an autistic, I have a predisposition to inflammation anyway).  But right now, health is a far away dream.  Every single aspect of my health is trashed by these goddamned drugs.  My ankles are still swollen from the frankensteinish swelling caused by the lithium, and I think the bones/muscles in the feet are all messed up from trying to walk incorrectly to accomodate the swelling.  I am not digesting properly.  I suffer from chronic headaches and back and muscle pain.  But hardest of all, is just getting the mental and emotional stamina to take the iniative and do things, even simple things, like washing the dishes.  All I want to do is lay in bed or watch TV.  I just am so mentally and emotionally dragged down by these drugs that I can't do anything.  I am so tired God, I am so tired of constantly having to force myself to accomplish anything