Blog entries getting scattered, as I am.....

Blog entries getting scattered, as I am.....I have to apologize for the sloppy posting of the past few days. I just doublechecked and realized that there were several errors--too many to clear up, especially as drugged as I am. Could barely drag myself to drive a mile to the library to post this. Haven't showered in two days and didn't have the energy to change out the clothes I wore yesterday and slept in last night (sleeping is a war combat zone for me in which I routinely get medically raped and surgically and psychically assaulted and mutilated; I gave up wearing pajamas to bed years ago). I'm seriously drugged up on something--maybe depakote. I know because I woke up groaning. I recognize that. How many times have I done that before? It is the drug that I recognize as stealing my psychic and bodily energy from me even before I draw my first waking breath. It is worse than ever before because, since the castration, I no longer have the God-given gift of abundant, holy energy. Some days I am able to move and function, but never with the grace, energetic joy and music in my heart and house, that used to be my proud, personal signature. I have exercise equipment in my living room, but even at my best, all I can do is lay down in my living room floor, while watching sports. Getting on the treadmill and pounding out my engaged energy is a relic of what seems a long ago past, back in the days when I could look down and see breasts on my body). Today is certainly not even going to be even a mediocre day, even though I had plans for it. Not only did I recognize that the PIB's had drugged me with a familiar, if only guessed-at psychotropic, but I dreamed of cockroaches in my house last night. Bingo. The exact same dream image that I could find listed half a dozen times in the blog always associated with the same drug that I recognize but cannot authoritatatively name. All you PIB psychs, do a search for "cockroach" in my blog, and you will find it always associated with the same drug.
Anyway, too damned depressed to waste any time on thinking about it. I'm trying to prepare myself for what I know will be the grandaddy of all violating abductions on Halloween, but it's very hard to do anything at all when I am so sick from drugs that all I can do is lay down and watch tv...