Nobody listens to me, even tho I'm always proven right.

10/24/10--Nobody listens to me (even though I nearly always get proven right). For years, I have told anyone who would listen that the viral downloads were poisoning my body and causing excessive csf to build up in my brain, making me severely autistic, and for the last 6 years, the PIB's have tried every drug combo in the world, trying to force through a chakra activation so that the reptiles can claim me as one of their own shape shifting spawn. (Actually, the neutral end is just an energtic discharge that enables one to enter interdimensional realms, but because the interdimensional beings controlling me are Aryans/reptiles, and because I have heavy reptilian DNA that is activated by both environmental chemtrails and the viral downloads, any interdimensional activity on my part is almost certainly going to be reptilian shifted). Maybe that is part of the reason I resist so mightily. I despise the reptilians and the Aryans for what they have done to me, and what they have done to humanity in the 20th century-- 50 million dead and Europe destroyed because the Aryans/reptiles (including Rothschild financing) helped Hitler.

They are still at it. Just this Tuesday or Wednesday, I saw my reptilian PIB handler--the same one I have seen before at the gym, and in Rio Rancho, years ago, when the PIBs first began forcing their viral downloads on me through the ventilation system. I had had no idea that he was there--sitting inches behind me, as I accessed the Internet on my netbook at the library. I was very sick, and told myself, "time to get up and go home to go to bed." As I turned to leave, I saw him. To his credit, he looked a little regretful, probably wondering if the whole goddamned approach had been wrong, and maybe a little sorry to see a once beautiful and happy woman destroyed by the mutilation and constant drugs. I don't know and I don't care. The only charitable feeling I can muster for him or any human PIB or alien Aryan that still follows the reptilian agenda and espouses their abusive disregard for the human body, soul, spirit and person, is PITY. If I thought that there was some guiding moral capacity still in him/them, I would be angry, and curse him out in my mind in hopes that my emotional outpouring would lead to a repentance and change in behavior.

But the reptilian Aryans and PIB's are truly lost--they are possessed and motivated by an evil spirit so deep and powerful that only an act of grace can save them. If I were healthy and free, I could perhaps help point them to the means of access to such grace, but I haven't been healthy or free for a long time. The constant physical and emotional suffering, and the lack of any emotional support or career vocational meaning has drained my spiritual battery to the point of being all but dead (it's still alive for me in my inner depths, but I am too tapped out to really reach out to anyone unless their own love helps jumpstart the battery for a brief moment).

Anyway, it was a little scary to see him so close to me. Sooner or later, the Aryan/reptilians are going to figure out that I'm never going to play ball for their team and when that happens I am going to be in deep danger--all they have to do is clamp a hand on my shoulder or put some kind of airborne poison in my home, and some forensic pathologist will never figure out a definitive cause of death. What keeps me alive, I guess, is my unconscious cooperation with them. Why do I do that? Two reasons I guess. First of all, anyone accessing their unconscious and the collective unconscious (for example, the "Akashic Records" ) in their sleep is completely vulnerable. I am reminded of Edgar Cayce, and how he learned to never give a reading without his wife present, because he was completely incapable of refusing any kind of request, no matter how immoral or unethical its implications, when he was in that state. I have known for years that I needed such a strong and protective partner to help me with the demands of my life; unfortunately the reptiles/Aryans know it too, and have made it a top priority to keep me emotionally isolated from any would be friend or lover. I just called Colleen on her birthday, and sure enough, she is not getting the emails I send her...

The second reason that I think I have cooperated with the reptilians is that in my inner psychic/spiritual depths, I have agreed to carry their own karmic evil spirit so that I can help exorcise it. How that precisely will play out is up to the mysterious inner workings of God's will. All I can do is act in accordance with the demands of my body and conscience, as guided by the the Holy Spirit. I do not actively resist the viral downloads; the body just does it naturally, no matter what cocktail of psychotropic drugs they add to the mix. And yesterday and today, they have added another doozy. It leaves me enervated and practically lifeless during the day (though at least I was able to dream last night, which for the previous two nights I did not--Depakote, anyone?), but when the viral downloads begin, I become severely autistic. Last night, I was watching the baseball league championships, and I had to turn off the Tv in the eight inning, despite a tie score. Watching the balls in the air seemed to be coming directly out at me, and gave me severe motion sickness. The motion sickness combined with the absolute worst back pain I have ever experienced, now that my organs, spine and rib cage have been mutilated or destroyed, gave me such a sick and pressing migraine, all I could do was take a fiornal and go to bed. Even this morning, my back is really bothering me--I have never had the kind of sacrum pain that I do now that my inner hermaproditic testicles were removed--I think that they acted as a placeholder to hold the spine away from nerves, which now scream at me.. Of greater concern is the increasing nerve damage in my left leg. It used to be just the thighs, but now it is going down to the kee and along my inner calf. Nerve pain is the worst. My back has become so stiff and unresponsive (especially where the missing thoracic ribs used to be), that I know I must act to try to keep them limber. I want to do yoga, and there is a yoga class today, but I feel so badly that I don't know if I can do any yoga. It is football season, and when I feel bad, I just want to lay on the floor, with my back completely supported, while I watch athletes play and move with an energy and vitality that I once had, but now can only access through memory....

Yet, no one listens to me. My body has AN INNATE RESISTANCE TO THE VIRAL DOWNLOAD, and no amount or mixture of psychotropic drugs is going to change that. You have done it for over 6 years, and all you have done is make me sick, hate life, and destroyed my ability to relate fully to life. I have carried reptilian DNA all my life, but I have never been so angry and irascible (except for my teenage years!) as I am now, with the viral downloads going all the time. LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE, DAMMIT. Do you want me to go astral planing? Get rid of the drugs and implants and get me in a safe place and I guarantee it will happen. Take it on my word, because in these esoteric matters in which there is no definitive authority, my intuition has proven true time and time again! Well, it's not happening today. Autistic and in pain all afternoon....done here though.