reconstruction

So, I was talking about my imagination getting me into trouble, even though I purposely got into my imagination to do some self-healing from the sense of betrayal, abandonment, and hopelessness that the circumstances of my life currently dictate. But as always, I am running a little behind schedule--that is not what I want to talk about right now; that's another involved matter, and I think I prefer to talk about it, rather than write about it. My sense of imagination is gone, along with all my ability to think creatively or make connections, or to have any energy to creatively interact with, and engage reality. So, I hate to try to interpret the following dream, because when I am in this state, I am not in a spiritual condition at all, or even a fully human one. I have my inner thoughts and writing misinterpreted a lot, especially when done by psychics who don't know me, or understand the context at all. For NOTHING is forbidden in my imagination, and an honest and open imagination is actually the source of my strength, and my ability to tease out and separate the sliver of truth from all the misconceptions, limited ideologies, falsehoods and outright lies that predominate. Even as I wrote this, I had an image of a man having anal bestial sex with a horse--an image from a documentary I saw once. Now I can guarantee you that I have no interest in, or fascination with bestiality, but its an image that popped in my head to help self-illustrate (the purpose of "thinking" with the imagination) the writing I am currently doing. I do not identify with or believe everything that goes through my mind.

As a matter of fact, a primary role of my imagination is to play "devil's advocate." I imagine a certain sequence or fantasy in my head, and while it is going out through its 3D, colorful reels, I am simultaneously playing attention to my inner intuition that tells me, "is this right? is this true? how could this spin out?" Or I play out dramas in my head, having a "character" (usually a real person, and sometimes even playing myself in my head), saying something outrageously false or provocative, in order to gauge the other character's (or person's) response.

Jesus told his disciples, "be as innocent as doves, but cunning as serpents." Very few Christians follow this command, being brainwashed by institutional religion from a very early age to reject anything associated with "the serpent"." Now I agree that the "cunning of the serpent" is the wisdom of Satan and his demonic horde, but we will never be whole or holy, until we stop inhibiting and censoring the contents of our own imaginations and minds. We have to open our minds to accept anything (bestial sex), and then let it go away. When we get hung up on a censored area, such as with pornography and sex, then we have a neurosis, but the only way to heal neuroses is to accept and deal with them. It is perfectly understandable that youths, as hormonally aroused and sex-starved as they are, would be neurotic about sexual images, but when they don't mature out of it, or it hinders relationships in the real world (such as using date rape drugs), then that is sin that needs to be confronted, and it will usually be the significant other that will do it, for neurotic, or deep, psychically rooted sin should be confronted by someone who loves you, not a preacher, pastor, or priest from the pulpit.

A big reason that Satanists are so successful in the world (and they are) is that they embrace the wisdom of serpents--a free imagination. Yes, they have no scruples which assists them considerably, but even more I think that they are like me in having an uncensored and free imagination, so that they can visualize and evaluate hypothetical multiple scenarios. Nothing is forbidden them, either in imagination or act. I would say that a healthy imagination is a free and uncensored imagination (so hard in our politically correct, ideological world), but that a spiritually oriented person is constrained to act on what passes in their imagination. I may conjure up an image of bestial sex, but it would be deeply immoral to act out on such an image. Jung would call this "embracing your shadow," and noted that many Christians are not whole or holy people at all; instead they project out what they reject in their own selves--in nearly every culture it is sexuality--onto others and then condemn then for it. So they think that they are virtuous and moral, when really they are intolerant, small-minded, "halflings" who are incapable of creative interaction or problem solving at all. (And no, flagrant lack of imaginative censorship does not make one virtuously creative either, but I am running out of steam. It is hard to think and write when I am so drugged up, and I am getting caught in digressions).

I want to talk about my dream on Friday night/Saturday morning. I got hooked into this long-winded preface because I know that there is going to be concern and misinterpretation, epecially from the people who have been concerned, misinterpreting, and unaccepting of me all along--especially of my lesbian sexuality (and I can tell that I speak with major authority on catching people's condemnation from their own repressed sexuality a lot)! But nothing is forbidden, and this dream is trying to tell me something, and a few days later, I still am interpreting it the same way.

I dreamed that my belly was a stargate for a horde of demons to enter this world. The demons, as I saw them, were real ones--see this link:

http://www.pakistan.tv/videos-alien-baby-found-in-mexico-experts-%5BDdAwf2SAE7Q%5D.cfm

I knew that this was an authentic alien (of the demon variety) when I first saw it months ago. This was resoundingly confirmed when I got booted off, losing my unpublished post on Saturday after pasting in the above url link. Needless to say, I woke up from this nightmare screaming. Actually, I went to sleep in silent screams and severe pain. For I was being fed massive viral downloads (the purpose of which I gather, is to get me to go out of my body, and go consciously astral planing in order to interact interdimensionally). But my body does not cooperate at all, and the viral download was causing severe convulsions, and I mean serious convulsions--head, torso, arms, legs, hands, and feet. I bit my tongue twice in involuntary jaw clamping. I was seriously afraid that I was going to have a brain seizure. However, the worst convulsions and searing pains were from my belly, where the goddamned Mengelian Nazi Aryans, have severed my visceral nerves from my clitoris so that I can never again have a whole body orgasm (done in a vile, evil attempt to separate me from own sexuality, so to easier separate me from my own spirituality). They replaced my own holy and God-given nervous system in my viscera, with inorganic material and clamps, pinching off the nerves that not only inform and facilitate my sexuality, but also my "gut", my inner intuition, my feeling function, and my holy passion. Needless to say, this has had a seriously deleterious impact on me, though I am such a strong "feeler" with such deep passion and intuition that I still am human, and not an reptilian Aryan, thank God. Also, my spiritual life has been severely impeded, for it is my erotic energies that serve as the primary conduit for relationship with God. My vocation is not primarily prophetic, pedagogical, or ministerial; it is mystical, and like mystics of every religion , my living relationship with God inflames and claims my whole bodily being and reality, and very importantly my sexuality (and no, to all the Catholics out there, this does not preclude holy sex with a committed life partner).

So, how do I interpret this dream? It is clear to me that my body is resisting these viral downloads and a spinal/crown chakra activation that would propel me out of my body into another dimension. Why? I think there is a good reason. My body has more wisdom than my mind. It is trying to protect something. Is it trying to protect me from an interdimensional encounter that I don't want? In the past that would be true--while I feel a certain connection with the Aryans, I do not want to be abducted interdimensionally by them. I have suffered the most egregious and grievous bodily mutilation at their hands, and I don't trust them and I don't like them. Maybe (I hope) they are maturing out of their alienated, hateful, and abusive stance towards others (originating ultimately in their own emotionless and sex-hating, barren selves), but at this point, I would resist interdimensional contact with them with every cell in my body.

However, I have just had a highly positive contact, in my own conscious, 3D world with another alien who is of another species or race. This is not the time to go into it, but this "contactor" was kind and gentle, with a very real, and unalienated psyche and function of feeling. I would cooperate with an interdimensional contact with such a being. So why didn't I, or better yet, why doesn't my body cooperate?

Well, my best hypothesis is that, among the inorganic implants put in my viscera by the Aryans/reptiles, is something, some crystal or nano-technology, that will act as a homing beacon calling from some interdimensional hell, the demon hordes, waiting to attack this world. This is why my body resists any complete chakra activation--the minute that happens, my "beautiful orgone energy" that the Aryans love so much will send out a signal, bringing those demons here to assault Earth. This is the hypothesis that sits best with me, though I cannot present it with certitude.

The other possibilities are that somewhere, my unfertilized ova await potentcy to become the "King of the Demons", but this would not explain why I resist chakra activation so much. I have no more control over what happens to my unfertilized ova. As a matter of fact, I think my ovaries are gone.

It could also refer to my lost sexuality, destroyed by neurological mutilation. However, I have suffered from, and grieved over this for over two months now, and I can assure everyone I have lost neither sexual desire nor my spiritual conviction.

No, the terrible pain I experienced in my gut as my body was convulsing as the energy discharge was taking place leads me to place the first hypothesis as the most likely. This is bad news for me, because I suffer terribly from this energy stagnating in my body, especially in my upper back, since the PIB's removed a set of ribs (did you ever think motherfuckers that I needed that set of ribs to help carry a body that was designed for and developed with it? I'm so miserable in my own body, having lost space in an already compacted body, and ability to move my arms and shoulders...). But the bottom line is that I trust my body. I don't even do it consciously.

I'm pooped out. Writing is no longer the flowing energetic joy it once was. It's hard work and I struggle to come up with words that, when I am healthy and drug-free, flow naturally. Over now anyway