Saturday, October 9, 2010

Struggling to live

Struggling to live as sick as I am. I have neither energy nor drive, but spend most of my days trying to get up and do small chores, like taking a shower, and changing clothes from yesterday. Everything is so hard, every movement, every action feels like I am moving at 22,000 feet. Very angry and depressed, but feeling that I can do nothing about it, until I escape the Aryans, and their fascist religious minions--the Jesuits and Opus Dei, and find a doctor to give massive shots of testosterone. For there is no doubt in my mind that, apart from the psychotropic drugging and nano-injections in my brain, the absolute most detrimental element in my poor health is the lack of testosterone. My body is not getting the fuel it needs to run well in the metabolic engines that are found in every XY cell of my body, a beautiful hermaphroditic body that was designed by God to be special and uniquely awesome, and now is pathetically mutilated and broken. Not to mention the chronic back pain that I now suffer--in my upper back, as well as the post-castration pain in my tailbone from which I had never before suffered.
I don't think that I am likely to escape the until I am ritualistically raped in an interdimensional Satanic rite, presided over by one of the highest ranking satanic hierarchs on Earth, Josef Ratzinger. I am resigned to the fact that I can do nothing about it, just as I can do nothing about the nightly abductions, torture, and mutilating surgeries that I endure. Maybe it is the only way to go through to the other side--I have been violated, sold out, abused, and abandoned by nearly every single person and community aggregate, that I have approached for help and interpersonal support, and as a Christian, I believe that atonement of sin involves the sacrifical suffering by an innocent party. That would be me.
But while I may accept such fate with a fatalistic resignation, I know that there is no way to trust the major players who so far, have intervened in my life--they are not willing to accept me as a daughter of God, gifted with free will, free choice of self-determination, and a person to be embraced in communication, instead of a one-way violation of my psyche through a non-consensual telepathic invasion (I'm always amazed at the hate stares I get from men (always men, not women), who are not man enough to come to my aid in even the most innocent or superficial of gesture or word, but instead spend hours underneath my psychic porch trying to get a cheap peek into my mind.
This has been going on for years, starting with the men of the Spiritual Life Institute. They were not psychics; instead they rejected me to my face, and then behind my back, without my consent, violated me with webcams and audio spy recordings, spying and listening in on my most intimate moments, including the channelling that goes on in my sleep. I left the SLI and their fellow patriarchal Catholic hierarchy years ago, but not before they sold me out to Maurice Strong (a close acquaintance and patron) in an attempt to keep me under their control, rather than allow me to have a good job position and lesbian sexual relationship. Yesterday, I told Dale that Boston was an Aryan stronghold, and while I think that is true, the epicenter that I was really struggling to remember was New Bedford, a UFO hotspot in southern MA. Interesting thing about New Bedford is its proximity to Providence, RI, the home and power base of the SLI Abbot, Wm McNamara. McNamara, no doubt was very tight with the alien dealing and dialoging Jesuits of New England, Boston College, being the regional flagship No doubt he is responsible, thru the Jesuits/Opus Dei for selling me out to the Aryans, with their misguided, barren (they literally cannot reproduce) spirituality. So much in consonance with the misguided, barren spirituality of celibate patriarchal religion. I am a total misfit in such a scheme. All I can do is suffer in such a setup.

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