Saturday, November 28, 2009

Getting the Jabba the Hut feeling again

Getting the Jabba the Hut feeling again as I try to drag around my bloated, fluid-filled body against an inertia of psychotropic drugs that leave me lethargic and irritable, cranky and just hating life. I know its going to be a bad day when I wake up groaing, hating life, and that is what my life is becoming again. I try to shake to clear my head and bhody, but I can't get much relief. Everything is so heavy and difficult, and once again, I feel that I am fighting the stupidass roman catholic fasco-zealots. What inspired me to look up sli last nite, I don't know--I saw their link while surfing Hanne Strong, and clicked on it to see if justice has prevailed and they are no more. Of course I was happy to learn a few years ago that Tessa and Dave were laicized, separated from their community. I can only wonder what caused that--fear of a civil judgment brought against the sli by another victim of their egregious spiritual and psychological abuse? Or was it an ecclesiastical judgment initiated by the highest levels--the anti-Christ Ratzinger can't have been too happy to have me slip the tight grasp of the fasco-zealots (though they still keep a rein on me through the Jesuits of the intelligence community and opus dei). I don't know and I don't care. Maybe next year i will click on a link again, and maybe not. But just as there is no doubt in my mind that D&T are still running the sli show, there is no doubt that the religious fasco-zealots are still determined to force me into their camp and likely are the ones behind the recent drugging I endured. I can see their hand in other places too--my scratched up truck (what a laugh, you stupid fucks), the continuing to drug me at the most inconvenient of times, etc. These morons have no idea of how little I respect them or their community. There are people I know who truly care for me, and those are the people who keep me going--the people who respect my free will, the people who realize the lost years and pain and suffering I have endured at the hands of the fasco-zealots. As a woman of that ilk told me years ago, when I lamented at how I had lost years of my life--"At least you know that they are lost years. Many people lose years of their life and don't even know it." Honesty, instead of that saccharine religious sentimentality, or worse, lies in the service of an idolatrous divine imperative, such as the brainwashed of the rc church and opus dei follow and pray that I become blinded by and ensnared as well. And yes, I welcomed the compassion, and being at one with me as well , because I can only speak and bear witness to the truth, and that is what I look for in relationships and intimacy. It is in hopes of being in free relationship (I almost wrote realationshp--which is a better word)that I keep going. I know from experience that such realationships is what gives me the security and support to be most truly myself and excel in all endeavors--being lonely and isolated PREVENTS creativity and fruition (which is why I will talk to Dale, but find it difficult to write. But the fasco-zealtots don;t want to here that--they do not want a free child of God in creative endeavor--they want a subjugated slave spewing out their approved version of reality (which guess what people--AINT ALL THERE). Anyway, time to break this off--fucking PTB have got me in agonizing muscle spasms (no doubt whatever brainwashed idiot is responsible for reading this doesnt like what Im saying and is pouring on the shit), so I ve got to go

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