Friday, December 5, 2008
Fighting massive headaches all day
Fighting massive headaches all day as I try to deal with all this excess csf. My entire body is bloated with fluid--I have the ankles of an ancient peasant woman. My legs, my arms, my wrist and hands are bloated. My belly is so bloated that I realized the other day I am getting stretch marks. According to the scale Ive gained two pounds, but hopefully most of it is fluid. But the fluid weight doesnt help when it all goes to the head causing excruciating pressure and headaches. I force myself to work out (so desperate about the weight gain) but gone are the days of joy and endorphin rush. Now all exercise is difficult, demanding, and so damned hard as my muscles are all contracted and fatigued that sometimes I can barely walk or lift my arms. But to be honest, its been a long time since I felt joyful, or even happy, about anything. Just going thru the motions, dont really care. If this misery is life, I no longer wish to be here. Now I gotta try to go to sleep, and struggle with the pain to sleep, just to wake up to another hell day.