Sunday, December 21, 2008

Yesterday a total loss

Yesterday a total loss--too goddamned drugged up to do anything except lay in bed and sleep. Woke up at 11 this morning--could move legs but so fucked up on whatever the fuck these assholes give me that I cant see straight. This was my big worry that i would be so drugged up that I couldnt enjoy bacation, drive to the beach or even be around people. My original plan--when i was on mirapex and was a human being for the first time in years, despite not being able able to walk and having dead legs (now I have dead legs, cant walk and am so fucked up on whatever shit these assholes give me that I just want to kill or die, but i sure as fuck cant do anything else). My house is a filthy mess and i am too sick to do a thing about it. For the first time in life i am going to have to leave a filthy mess. I am too sick to read any of the books i was going to take. i am too sick to go to church or call up someone to get a ride to the airport. Dont want to deal with people at all. Dot want to deal with anything at all. I want to just go to sleep and wake up and be free of these fuckers and their goddamned poioson forever.

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