Out of control weight gain-I am gaining a pound a day and am currently 204 pounds. Even worse is the fluid edema and headache caused by the csf in my skull. My face, arms, and hands are all shiny amd swollen with fluid--I don't even recognize my puffy face. Worse of all is my legs and ankles. Imagine my horror when I sat on the gym toilet and noticed a "pregnancy stretch mark" running down the back and side of each of my calves. It looked like the pencilled on "panty lines" that the girls of the 40's used to have to draw. Terribly depressing as I know that soon my legs will be like my ankles and wrists, full of lax folds and age lines from where the swollen joints have stretched out and receded so many times that my skin looks like that of a viajacita.
Then, there is the goddamn depression. I had the best of intentions today to get up and accomplish things but I am so lethargic and depressed that it is impossible to do anything. I watched a silent Rachel Maddow on the muted gym TV monitors and was amazed--she actually could show emotion! She had emotion! It seems like so long since I have been able feel, much less show emotion, that it depresses me to the point of despair. Of course it doesn't help that I am in such muscular pain. I know now that I truly have fibromyalgia, and yeah, its a real diagnosis. I can't help but wonder if I am being force-fed some kind of SSRI because my head is "rushing" again like it did when I took Imitrex--a sure sign that there is too much serotonin in my brain--and that is what is causing the damn depression and weight gain. But then again, maybe the hormonal imbalance is just causing the serontonin to back up, like it did with the lithium, causing serontonin inoxication, though not as severe as when I was nearly catatonic.
Only good news is that I think I figured out what is wrong with me, and where the hormonal imbalance is--I need a dopamine agonist--Mirapex is my best guess, to treat my fibromyalgia, and make all the stupid ass idiots who say I am bipolar happy, not a SSRI. I hate to end on this, because not having any medical credentials, I hate to make a claim without backing it up, but I am too sick to get into it any further. I am going to try to go to bed when I am in such pain I dont know how to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.