Sick nauseated disgusted sorry

Sick nauseated disgusted sorry--all how i feel drugged up druing christmas, why do I keep putting myself in this position i ask myself? I know what my mom is about yet everytime I do it. Going to try to leave early, otherwise my vacation from hell is going to be miserable. I cant stand being in my own body. at least in my house, when I am sick as a dog i can watch my own tv and try to escape. Escape escape escape how do i escape this torture cap, this sick misery God help me.