Poisoned Christmas--why the fuck do i keep coming back to this place where my own evil mother poisons me? Im so fucked up on psychotropics right now it takes every ounce of will power i have not to start throwing plates against the wall, and cutting on myself so i can bleed this goddamned mother poison out of me. My fault. I should not have come. It is clear my own mother does not know me. Does not love me. Does not wish for my well being. she would rahter see me as a zombie, as an incapacitated fucked up zoned out out of reality dopehead than alive and vital. Learning a lot.
resolving a lot but too goddamned fucked up to write or reason through. Just got to stay mellow, my mom will throw me in a fucking hospital for rest of my life in a ny minute. Just gotta resolve tita--be like uncle butch. your mother doesnt love you. she is a big part of the problem you have with the goddamned soulless spiritless doctors trying to kill you. Nothing stupid. Christmas from hell. Week from hell. Hang in tita, you are all you have to maintain sanity and self