Hopes dashed

Hopes dashed--for a job, for a happy New Year. I was way too sick to do well on my job testing, but had felt better the last couple of days unti. I went to work out at the gym today and the same old download shit started to the point that I couldnt exercise. Hurt to even keep eyes open. Hurts now. Am sick as a dog with a migraine. I am soul sick too, sick at the unimaginable suffering going on with our Carribean neighbor, Haiti, right now. Sick, because I know a megalomaniac monster was directly complicit in the engineered earthquake that led to the suffering, and now that he has tasted destructive and murderous power, he, who has the same psychosis as a serial murderer, will not be able to stop. Spent most of the day just crying and praying over pictures of the suffering. I wonder if Ratzinger was involved in it too. The archbishop who died during the earthquake was a pretty decent and conscientious priest. I will have to keep an eye on what cleric replaces him. Then of course, there is the UN factor. CNN just "happened" to be advantageously placed to get "breaking" news of UN troops heroically tryi8ng to save lives. Haiti is about to explode, and I think TPTB which orchestrated this event are going to use it to ingrain upon Americans' psyches, through the whore media, of the heroic benevolence of the blue hats--all in preparation for their placement here when the megalomaniac monster declares martial law. Those sons of bitches don't know Americans, REAL Americans, not Manchurian candidate poseurs born in Kenya. It ain't gonna be that easy. But for today, there is nothing to do but cry, and try to stave off the headache. I can't complain though, not when I keep pulling up a slideshow in my mind of the overwhelming suffering and death of millions of people who have NOTHING--no warm house, or soft bed, no full refrigerator, or fanny pack hoard of drugs that I will use if the pain gets too bad. I wish that I had someone to share the overwhelming suffring and knowledge that I carry but it is just me, so all I can do is lay in a fetal position in bed and cry. I wonder what mind control rapine the PTB that engineered the earthquake now have for my poor, implanted brain. A few days ago, I had recognized that once again, the torturers were attempting to implant "dreams" in my head. I know the difference between a real dream and an implant. No dice. But tonite, whether real or implanted, I expect nothing but nitemares. God, I long for the days when after an emotionally draining day like today, I could go to sleep and pray, "God send me a dream to help me cleanse and heal." And God would, and I would wake up refreshed and centered. That no longer happens, not even on a normal or "good" day, much less like a hell day like today. But there is good news happening too. The calvary is on its way, and while they are too late to prevent the massacre, hopefully they can stop any more charges before the American soul and psyche become easy prey to the megalomaniac monster as well.