Something has to change

Something has to change--the amount of OTC drugs and alcohol that I have to take to get to sleep is increasing and increasing with less and less efficacy. I can't sleep because in addition to the goddamned psychotropic virus that leaves me wired and awake, I now have the problem of the "electrical jolts and shocks" originating in my brain and travelling all through my body in a microsecond, which thn spasmodically jerks and convulses. This used to happen on occasion or when the download was heavy, but now, at night, whenever I try to sleep, it happens every two-three minutes, and the only way I can get to sleep around that is to overwhelm the central nervous system with sedatives--in my case, alcohol in combination with other sleeping agents. What is causing this? I only have experienced this kind of regular brain/body electrical jolting when I was on lithium. Am I on lithium again? As with lithium, my body is bloated to the max, and I have lost all appetite and ability to digest food. I also believe that I am gaining weight. But I am thinking that it could be an increase in Depakote, which I believe that I am on as well. I hate Depakote. It also causes weight increase, though not as radically as pound-a-day lithium. It also slows me down to the point of sluggishness, so that it is difficult to get up the energy to do anything. It also often puts me in a constantly bad, surly, anti-social mood (because for me, sociability is such a high-energy endeavor. The worst and most telling symptom though, is thtat it interferes with my dreams, making them impossible to remember. I recognize the symptom clearly because in the psychiatric hospital I was forced to take Depakote and immediately realized the symptoms. I know that I am frequently on Depakote (as the fucking goddamned idiotic torturers yank me from one chemical to another, while my brain is in a permanent state of chemical trauma), but the extra weight gain, bloated belly (even more so than usual), digestive/metabolic problems, and an increased inability to remember even one image from my dreams (I know I'm dreamng--I just can't recall them when I try to, upon awakening) makes me wonder if the torturers have increased the dose. I am sluggish, but then I am always sluggish, but something is causing those electrical jolts, and they are nothing but torture. Got to get up and try to move--do yoga, hopefully, it's "on". Depressed at my body, the extra weight, the sluggishness, the feeling of helplessness while I am force fed one drug and then another, the acetone smell of my urine in the morning as my body eats its own muscle while these fuckers destroy my health and body with ketoacidosis. Something has to change. In the meantime, I have to force myself to get up and try to function with the chemically induced, hating-life bad mood, and dead, heavy legs.