Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Misery continues

Misery continues--the dream I had about Opus Dei trying another avenue has been vindicated. I do suspect that I am being stalked online again by
one of their great front men(at least in my circumstances) Dave Denny. What a total creep and waste of wanna be manhood! Of course, he pulls the same old trick he always does--assuming the screen name of someone who I really do truly and deeply like, admire, and trust--in this case, "rlasvagas" hoping I will chat with him. . I can't prove it for certainty because, unlike in previous years, I no longer try to prove my hypothesis by taking the bait. It is very easy to detect Dave Denny--anal-retentive, narrow-minded, arrogant and "superior" and not at all the kind of person who I enjoy talking with. The thought that I spent two years trying to get that man to relate to me like a human being blows my mind--I was all discombabulated from the UFO abductions; otherwise I would have recognized immediately that this man has a personality and faith orienation much different than my own. Why am I wasting my time now on this guy? Becaise I pick up that Opus Dei is trying a new tactic, and denny and the entire SLI are involved in the latest operation. So I check out what is going with them. I am not going to blow their cover (and God knows they finally are really engaging religious life reality instead of constructing and living out the stupid fantasies they built up over the years. So to that extent I will wish them well).
However I am miserable and frustrated, trying to explain myself over and over and ovcer and over and over and over agin. Get out of my life, goddamn it! My reality is not yours. I know that you enjoy violating my privacy (indeed you are the goddamned rapist scoundrels who initiated it all), and listening in on my dreams. But guess what? You and your type of faith life and committment are not part of the new reality that I catch glimpses of. I am interested in a change in deep spirituality--one that dumps everything you hold dear--dogma, celibacy, obedience to patriarchal assholes such as yourself. I am seeing more and more clearly how to live out such a new spirituality and faith--it is just that I cannot do so because I am so goddamned sick with the psychotropic drugs that you force down my throat all the time. All I can do is endure. Endure the latest psychotropic drug which again is causing weight gain (God, how much am I going to weigh before I get free of these sons of bitches), and a miserable stomach. Endure the goddamned migraine headache that I went to bed with and woke up with. Endure the back pain and muscle spasms, especially since I don't think I will be going to yoga anymore, since yoga now has become a place of biochemical dumps and sheer hell on the mat. I have to struggle thru life, miserable with drugs and bloat, and in constant fucking pain---no I am not even going to play any games with you Denny. Go jerk off or find some dimwit nun to play your authoritarian mind games with--quit playing your stupid ass games with me. I resent it, with every ounce of my tortured, mistreated, violated being.
PS. I should also mention that my only interest in Vatican/Catholic Church history and dynamics right now, is to help me figure out the aetiology of the incarnate evil that now threatens all of humankind, and yep, some of them ecclesiastical big boys were/are big boys and big hitters for the cause of evil. When I am healthy again, when I get my life, my sexuality, and my spirituality back again, I hope to reveal it all. For now I am covering up from the unrelenting kicks and lashes I get from you and your colleagues. All i can do except reiterate agan, "GET OUT OF MY LIFE!"

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