Dreams that my house is full of cockroaches

Dreams that my house is full of cockroaches--a dream I only get when I am forcefed psychotropics. that is the unconscious. consciously, i am so full of despair as to not give a fuck anymore. pray for death to release me from neverending hell. fantasize about it. beginning to think i might as well spend my days in psychiatric hospital till i die. i have no other life. completely out of control of my own body which every day becomes more hateful and painfilled, debilitated to the point that i might as well have some muscl destroying disease like cerebral palsy. my arms r so weak i can no longer hold my own weight up. of course, my weight gets higher and higher as i can no longer work out or even walk. my fucking slave masters monitor everything i read and watch on internet, sometims cutting me off in mid view. i dont care. the ultimate slave master, has been crowned president of the world and gives his brilliantly cheesy, and utterly false smile over everything. its getting to the point i have no hope no joy no purpose no desire--just for death. God, I want to die, i dont want to be in this hateful, implanted miserable alienated body anymnore.