FUCKING GODDAMNED PIGS ARE FORCE FEEDING ME LITHIUM AGAIN!! STUPIDASS MOTHERFUCKERS. I wondered why I had no energy, and felt more like shit than normal. Most of all I wondered why I was gaining weight again--yes, pound a day lithium is to thank for it all, tho i thought my stomach was merely bloated. But now i find myself looking at spreading corpulent flesh with powerlessness and rage, much as i have done several times over last few years. Geuss the goddamned sli just cant let go. they actually still think iam going to have anyhing to do with them after the years over 12 of them, of abuse, damage, and torture that they hgave inflicted on me. and now i am all fucked up over lithium. i knew when i started mood swinging. other psychotropic durgus make me mood swing but none like lithium. i have to fight down desire to throw things to curse at top of my lungs, to cut myself to bang my head againt wall. but i am too fucked up to do anything. i went to youga, what a joke. i couldnt even keep my eyes opened. sont know how i drove home--so fucking autistic i cant stand any stimuli. been here before tho. know nothing for it but to lay down and suffer. just sofucking mad because everytime these fucking pigs put this goddamned poison in my body, i have to work so hard to lose one pound a month that it takes me one day to gain. so fucked up. on top of that i have a virus in my computer and im too fucked up to figure it out. how apropos--goddamned sli (yep i know the stupid ass personality cult of dave and tessa and "Father" is behind it all. Fcuk you pigs. Get the message. Leave me alone.
Later--everything harder than I thought--too sick to watch any tv. body is catatonic to the point that my neck hurts with stiffness. Worse of all are the involuntary muscle spasms i keep having as i try to sleep--havent had them in a long time, but i remember clearly the misery of the brain pulses and the body jerks. Definitely lithium/
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