Can't believe how fast I got so fucked up

Can't believe how fast I got so fucked up. Went to drive for alcohol and tylenol pm because i am too fucked up to be in my life. i want to be drunk. and stoned. and fucking out of it. Been here before when i was on lithium. maybe iam on lithium. i am suffering from intense rage and hatred, and lithium gives me mood swings. lithium also gives me catatonia and in just a couple of days i have become catatonic. could barely drive. cant turn my head to see. reaction time is shit. i am not in reality. like lithium, i just want to get drunk so i dont have to feel this fucking psychotic reality i am in that makes it impossible to even watch tv. time to get drunk get rid of this fucking wasted life that the goddamned fucking piece of shit ratzinger christians r doing to me/