Deteriorating badly

Deteriorating badly--too sick for bicke ride. took shower, could not leit leg into bathtub. had to take arm to to lif let . only risperdol and lithium makes me so catatonic and musclelocked so fast. both make me enraged. dont know how im going to make it to dr tomorrow. dont koow if i can get out of bed. too early for bus. too fucked up to drive and parking is true nmitemare. cant keep my eeyes open . want some kind of drug ot knowck me out. now forever. please you fucked up govt opus dei psych pull a cornrad murray and od me on whatever poison u have in me so that i could end this fucked up hell that u have made my life.