Politics may be changing but the goddamned religous zealots

Politics may be changing but the goddamned religous zealots continue to hound and harass my life. I've had a very hard day with a sick friend but it doesn't help to come home and have the goddmaned pricks downloading all these psychotropics in my head. I am so sick and nauseated with severe headache and vertigo. worst of all my body muscles are now locked because i havent been able to do any yoga. the ongoing neverending pain of back spasms is sheer hell. i hoped to go to yoga but tomorrow but right now i am on the cusp of being comepletely nonfunctional once again with pain. i am so sick of this fucking shit. i got cockroaches all over my house because i was too goddamned sick to have the pesticide man pay a svc call. i just am too sick to do anything.
But hell, that is okay the fucking opus dei and roman catholic police are still at it, trying to get a "saint" they can own and understand, playing stupid games as if i don't know that they follow ever "healing" however mild or innocuous i attempt, or try to hide from me my own hermaphroditic nature. Why? Becauyse in their small little world, that indicates special status. Bullshit. I am no more special than all the rest of the intersexed men and women of the world. That poor South African runner who was roundly humiliated for her intersex nature is not more a potential saint or icon of special humanity than I am. Than EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the world is, whether definitely male, female or intersexed. My healing abilities are no more special than those of the 10-15% of the world population that has healing ability (nearly all of it latent, unrecognized, untapped and unappreciated. Why? Because of religious zealots who, like the ones who persecute me, deny their free will, their own self-empowerment, and their own choice at self-identity. And why not? Look at the hell I have suffered by insisting on being free and self-determined. So, the poor pathetic relisious zealots, without an ounce of genuine spirituality in their makeup, move to control me, to fetishize me, to be celibate (or at least heterosexual--"no no no--there's no such thing as a saint who is actively homosexual"--that is because they have no clue what constitues sanctity, obedient to their sick warped satanic Pope, and available for their every projection. FUCK YOU ALL. I prayed for Lupe today, even though it was very sad to see her sick to the point of dying, because Lupe did not treat me like a "saint" (i.e she didn't put webcams in my house to watch my every move, she didn't insist that I conform to her expectations, she didn't drug me against my will so that I would be the "good girl" "kept woman" model image of feminity that Catholics so prize, and that the SLI and the teachings of JPII tried to shove down my throat, until the point of comeple disassociation. Any real woman would do the same, but there are a lot of psychological girls in the zealot's ranks who do their bidding and contribute to the prison walls that is now my life, but better to be free inside of my soul and heart and imprisoned on the outside, than to be imprisoned on the inside while the Catholic spiritual lameasses all flock around wanting me to touch them to heal them. Fuck that. Healing does not occur until the person wanting to be healed takes up their own co-creating responsibility for healing. And Lupe with all of her psychological problems, was NOT a "girl." For all of her bad habits and heavy drinking, she took more responsibility for her healing than all the rest of these candle-lighting, pathetic crowd demanding a saint. Why? Because she never expected or assumed healing of me. I was not a "saint" to her. I was a friend. She drank whiskey with me. She ate barbeque and Thanksgiving turkey with me. She gave me 5 Vicodin when I was suffering terribly from the goddamned lithium and brain stem strangulation--that was a guardian angel move, because I don't know how i could have survived that time frame without those Vicodin (I broke them into thirds). She told ribald jokes to me, and laughed and chatted with me about nothing consequential, which for someone of my intensity, is the most refreshing and appreciated of gifts. She was uncomfortable with my being lesbian, but she accepted me as I was and understood that even though she didn't understand my sexual orientation, she knew that I was still a good person, and allowed me the freedom to be me, including my lesbian sexuality. That is why my prayer had (and hopefully, has--at least until tomorrow) efficacy for Lupe, because she was a friend to me who went out of her way to try to make my life a little easier. For all you 10-15%ers, you need to start shaking off the shackles of organized religion, and recognize your spiritual freedom and self-empowerment because the world needs you. I need a friend, an intimate friend. Situations like today remind me how desperately I need someone to share my life. I need someone to talk to, someone to hold me, and to love me, and to cuddle with me. I need someone to massage my spasmed back, to kiss me and caress me, someone to relieve my sorrow and loneliness. Instead I got nothing but the goddamned spies reading every word and monitoring me from multiple webs while they say, and chanting the same old tired litany, drinking the same old wine--"Well just tell God how lonely you are and God will fill everything, and then we will have our celibate, "pin the tail on the donkey" saint. These assholes don't get it. Never have. They are living according to an outdated template that has no validity for the future, and especially for my future. But they won't listen (hell, they still play the same game of disinterest), so there's nothing for it but a nite of pain and suffering--gotta try to sleep with my back so fucked up and my head spinning with vertigo.